My Master's slave

I've MOVED!!

2011-12-17T05:16:00.001-06:00

I have a new blog site now, I bought a .com address and since Blogger is being a BRAT and NOT notifying my readers I've decided to leave this blog up at the OLD address for however long it takes for the new one to be NOTICED (come on guys I have ONE READER over there so far haha) Or maybe I just really suck at writing and no one wants to tell me? :P

Anyway my new blog site is:

Http://ServingMaster.com

Head over there and check me out!!

Thanks,
-autumn (formerly known as ariia)

MOVING!!!

2011-12-10T02:15:00.001-06:00

My blog will be moving from this site to: http://servingmaster.com/

I'm in the process of setting it up now and new posts will be made THERE instead of HERE. If I can figure it out, I'll move the readers with me so that no one gets left behind, but I'm still trying to figure out how the heck to do that.....

In the meantime, PLEASE follow my blog there :)

Thanks so much,
-autumn

Cookie Swap!!

2011-12-09T14:43:00.001-06:00

After reading several blog posts on cookies and some internet cookie swap that I missed out on, I decided to take the initiative and invite myself to the party. Lol. And since I am crashing this party, I might as well give credit where it is due, so at the end of this blog I will include a list (stolen from another participator of this great idea) of everyone else involved.

I love to bake and these are my favorite cookies this time of year (they're so fattening and yummy that I have to stop myself from eating the batter long enough to let them bake!!) They look pretty boring if you don't add the cute green and red topping stuff (more on that later) but they still taste AMAZING. The choice to make them "pretty" is obviously yours.

Outrageous Double Chocolate Mint Christmas Cookies:
(my own recipe)

Ingredients:

2 bags Semi-sweet MINI chocolate chips(48 ounces)
1 bag regular sized semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 cup butter softened
1 cup shortening
2 cups packed brown sugar
2 teaspoons mint extract
4 large eggs
5 cups all purpose flour
1 tablespoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
3 cups powdered sugar (optional)
Red and green food coloring (optional)
1 teaspoon mint extract
3-5 tablespoons milk (as needed)

Directions:
1) Preheat oven to 350° F
2) Melt 12 ounces of the regular sized chocolate chips (I use the microwave for this, takes about 45 seconds)
3) Mix together butter and shortening, add brown sugar, mix well.
4) Add eggs one at a time while mixing, add mint extract.
5) Slowly add the melted chocolate to the sugar mix, stir well!
6) Add flour, baking soda and salt to the chocolate sugar stuff, blend well
7) Add the bags of mini chocolate chips, stir to combine
8) Drop dough by spoonful (mine are maybe 2-3 tablespoons in size) onto cookie sheet covered with parchment paper, leave 2 inches of space between each cookie.
9) Bake at 350°F for 12-14 minutes

The cookies are hard to tell if they are done or not, if you aren't sure, your best bet is to just cook for the 14 minutes and pull them out, they're chocolate so it's hard to tell when they're done. If they're black you cooked them too long. Lol.

Mix together the powdered sugar, butter and a teaspoon of mint extract. SLOWLY add the milk until the icing is almost smooth enough to drizzle, but not quite there yet (food coloring is usually added in liquid form and will make the icing too runny if you don't incorporate it properly). Separate the icing into three bowls. In one bowl add red food coloring, stir till it's red and no longer "pink" looking.
In the second bowl add green food coloring. Stir until it's green.
Leave the third bowl white.

When the cookies are done baking, let them sit for 10-15 minutes or until cooled off. Drizzle different colored icings across the top to make them look "festive" and pretty.

Pour yourself a glass of milk and enjoy!!

PS Extra icing is AWESOME as body paint, but very sticky ;)

Let me know if you make these and how they turn out!

--autumn

Cookies without any icing. They taste fine, but they don't look nearly as pretty without the icing.

After adding the icing... YUM!!!

The finished product!!! These will last MAYBE 20 minutes on my counter.... just long enough to bring everyone in and let them attack them, haha.

And as promised here is a list of everyone else participating in the cookie swap:

***********************

Infidelity Chronicles

selkie (her recipe here, her blog here)

undercovermetamorphosis

Viemoira

Hurt Me, I Need it!

2011-12-06T15:46:00.001-06:00

"A sadist is someone who refuses to be mean to a masochist."

Dear Master,

Recently I came across this saying and it froze me to the very core. Those words haunt me. After our ~~hellishly long~~ break from our roles as Master and slave the idea of being denied your punishments again, it scares me. I need your authority. I need your strength branded across my skin, I relish the feeling of being fucked, pinched, scratched, slapped, whipped and flogged all in one glorious session of pure ecstasy.

I find myself getting frustrated when more than a day passes without pain from you. I act out before I realize I am seeking your punishment and try to quickly correct my behavior before punishment turns into discipline. The heat from your hands hits my cold skin and burns into me, but just as quickly I feel it spreading all over my body. I shiver in anticipation of the next strike, my belly filling with the warmth of your love, my skin reddening in response to it.

The sound of the flogger flying through the air just before slapping my thighs forces me to tense up, prepping my body for the blow and then I find myself shockingly pushing my ass towards the motion, towards the pain, towards your mark. Panting and exhausted, tears filling my eyes, I bite down harder on the gag and beg you for more with my mind.

You, knowing exactly what I need, are happy to oblige me. The sting of the whip is exchanged for the beating of the cane. When I feel I can't handle anymore, you reach around and pinch my clit, sending me soaring over the edge. White lights fill my head, I barely hear myself scream as I orgasm into a tailspin of raw emotion. As I come back to reality you shove yourself inside me, deep and fast, before my cunt is completely ready for you. I love it. I relish it. I need it. I beg for it.

Please don't ever stop hurting me.
-your slave, autumn

Frustratingly Fucked....

2011-12-04T17:00:00.001-06:00

I am a nymphomaniac. I have to have sex at least twice a day, every day, or I go crazy. Thankfully Master loves this part of who I am, in fact he's probably a bit of a nympho himself. Before this time of the month (yes, Mother Nature is a bitch in every way this week) we were having sex a minimum of 4 times a day. But Master was only working 40 hours a week then too. Now he's working at least 80. The money will be good, so I really can't complain... but at the same time.... If I had my way, Master would tie me to the bed and fuck my brains out for days and days and days.

I wish I had something super hot and sexy to write right about now, but I'm just not feeling it. No that's not true. I'm totally feeling it, but I can NOT get off right now. Master has told me no cumming without him for now. So I get to be sexually frustrated and very horny until he says otherwise. It's totally torturous. Master knows I am supremely horny right now, and that I have a very hard time getting off without him anyway, but to not be able to even try!? UGH. Usually I go running when I am denied orgasm, but it's cold and rainy out. ((this is why I need a treadmill for Christmas, Sir))

Running helps me with the worrying too. I worry constantly!! I worry about money, I worry about losing weight, I worry about how much sleep I'm getting, how much sleep I'm missing out on, I worry about bills (even though they're all taken care of). I worry that we won't be able to have awesome sessions, or that I will act out just to get a little attention from him, or that we will get stuck in some kind of a "no sex" rut. (Which is crazy because the ONLY time we don't have sex is when I'm on my period.) But I worry still....

How Master puts up with me, I have no idea. I smile at that statement though because I know exactly how he puts up with me... with whips and chains and belts and blindfolds.... which brings me back to being horny and unable to do anything about it!! Rawr.

Hopefully I will have something super hot to write tomorrow because Master knows I can't last too long without his cock. I simply have to have it!! I am so addicted to him!! Which brings me back to missing him and his working 80 hours.... maybe I should just go running in the cold rain. Or maybe not... If you need me, I will be looking up all sorts of new toys to get for Master and I for Christmas.....

--Autumn

Pheromones....

2011-12-03T00:35:00.001-06:00

One foot in front of the other, I pounded out my frustrations. The beat to the music beating in my head, the rhythm of my heart echoing in my ears, the thought of my ass tightening with every step, it was exhilarating. Freedom in the weirdest form, the slow movements that somehow made me feel as though I was flying. The wind played along my jawline, sweat gathering around the back of my neck. The smell of the earth as I ran down the road made me think of things that turned me on. The scent of the pheromones pouring off me, the smell of Master right after he steps out of the shower, walking into the bedroom after we've had a particularly long session, the scent of sweat, tears and power still lingering in the room.

The track changed on my phone and I picked up the pace. Just a few more yards till I hit the bottom of the hill, then I can slow down and take the next hill at a fast walk. My legs tightened and released, reminding me of the orgasms I spent last night having. Pain coursed through my muscles but instead of slowing me down, it pushed me on, made me go harder, faster, wanting more out of my own body. Sweat soaked the front of my shit making me mildly aware of what I might look like, that is before I got distracted by the sexy way my breasts bounced under the light cotton.

I turned the music up on the phone, letting the vibrations through my headphones over take me. By the time I remembered to slow down, I was already halfway up the second hill. Oops. I knew I would pay for that later. No way would my shins let me get away with such abuse so soon. I gasped, trying to catch my breath, visions of Master choking me, demanding I cum for him. White lights floated around my head telling me I had pushed myself too hard. I swallowed air with new vengeance, desperately trying to gulp as much into my lungs as I could.

At the middle of the hill again, this time going down, the pace quickens. I know my body isn't ready to run again, but the momentum of the hill pushes me faster, faster, till I am slamming the pavement hard. Visions of Master slamming against my cervix fly in my imagination and I go faster still. My ass is on fire, the lower glutes telling me they hate me, a wicked smile spreads across my face as if to say I don't care. A quarter of the way to go, I better slow down and allow my body a cool-down mode before I get back to the house. It takes a lot to force myself to stop running. Even more out of breath I want to stop and stretch, bend over and just breathe, something other than continuing to move.

I walk into the house ready to collapse, proud of myself for getting out there and running, hot and sweaty from the run, wet from the pride I know Master will have in me for this. I go upstairs to shower and as I enter the room, still gasping for air, I see Master sitting on the bed, a belt in his hand. He has a wicked smile and he tells me that he is more than proud of me. I stink, I know it, I just want to shower and collapse on the bed, but I am not permitted either at the moment. He hands me a bottle of water and tells me I need to drink up, I've lost a lot of the stuff running and I'm about to lose even more. I chug it gratefully.

Master takes advantage of the fact that I am still out of breath, he grabs me by the neck and puts me on the bed. "I am so proud of you for going running today" he says. It has been a while since I worked out like this. Before I can form the words "thank you Master" the belt flies in the air and slaps my sweat soaked ass. White lights fly around my head and I cry out in ecstasy knowing that my workout is not yet over....

--Autumn

A bit of a scare...

2011-12-02T02:04:00.001-06:00

Like any normal couple, Master and I have had our misunderstandings and our fights. We've had ups, downs, ruts and frustrations galore. A week ago we had a pretty bad day. I have been ordered not to go into detail here, but it was really bad emotionally. It came down to a simple question for each of us though: "Is the other person worth it to me to put aside my anger, frustrations, heartache and pain to move on together? Or do we milk this for all it's worth and try to piece it back together in a half-ass, half-hearted kind of way?"

The simple answer for me has always been "Yes." Master is worth it to me. He has always been worth the wait, the pain, the frustration that we have put each other through over the years. We were and still are, best friends. I've always confided everything in him, and I've always known that my role in this relationship is more give than it is take. Ever since I first "met" Master in a chat room almost 4 years ago, I have known he had my heart and that I would do anything to keep him in my life.

Since about July (the last time I seriously posted on here) we haven't really been acting like a D/s couple. We've been settling in to the new house, getting kids off to school, and trying to find some form of normal for our schedules. Sex was still had, but it was so vanilla we both got bored. But neither of us talked about it either. We knew something was missing, but we couldn't put our finger on exactly what that was.

Ever since that day last week, Master and I have been trying to get back to what we once were. We realized (rather shockingly) that we had not had a Master/slave session in MONTHS. How did so much time pass without us reminding each other of the roles we love so much?! We decided it was time to do something. Unfortunately, the weekend was over and Master had to go to work. But we still had so much to talk about, so much to discuss. So we started instant messaging each other while he was at work.

We talked dirty for the whole day, telling each other what we wanted to do, what we used to do when we first moved in together and what we fantasized about doing still. We talked about my rape fantasies and how it's nice enough at night here that we can still fuck in the yard if we want. We discussed sex all day long. When he came home from work that day, I was already wet. I could not wait for him to take me and fuck me and own me again. All he had to do was look at me and I nearly came.

I knew better than to go to him, I was in the middle of cooking dinner and he had made it clear that he would greet me when he chose to. That look though, I melted, my panties soaked and I swear I swooned. I was chopping parsley for the spaghetti sauce I was making when he snuck up behind me. His hand went around my throat and gripped tightly. I gently put the knife down and waited to see what happened next. Master, waiting for the knife to be safely out of the way, immediately tightened his grip on my neck and swung me backwards into the wall. His body pressed against mine, squishing the breath out of me. Lips on my neck, teeth pulling at my skin, his other hand raking his nails over my sides.

I came. Hard. Right there in our kitchen, in the middle of cooking dinner. In less than 5 seconds I was putty in his hands. It was so perfect. He let me go and told me to finish his supper. My mind spinning, I went back to the task at hand.

I wasn't sure when we would have a chance to fuck each other's brains out though, we had homework questions to answer, dishes to wash and put away, children to tuck into bed.. it felt like the hours before we could finally be alone would never end. Finally though, the lights were out, the children were sleeping and the chores had been completed.

Master grabbed me by the hair and dragged me upstairs to our bedroom. From there, it is honestly a blur. I remember bits and pieces, but for the most part it's a foggy memory. I remember him getting me from behind, pausing to bite my lower back, my sides, scratch at my thighs, or whisper how much he missed abusing me like this. I remember seeing stars, and replying with nails of my own, desperately trying to hang on. His cock hitting my cervix, my throat dry from moaning but unable to prevent myself for crying out in ecstasy because of how good it was. I remember his hand slapping my ass until it stung, the feeling of fire spreading across my bottom and then the cool of the air refreshing it and sending tingles all over my body.

My breasts were pinched, kneaded, sucked and tugged on until I was sure they would fall off. The orgasms that came to me were other worldly. Stuff I never knew could exist. I felt as though I had slipped into some magical land of orgasms that never end. When we finally finished he collapsed on me and we just held on to each other for a while. I have no idea how much time passed. And even though I was raw and sore and my muscles ached from contracting and releasing over and over again, I knew I wanted more, I was just too tired to do anything about it.

I know sex with Master won't always be like that, it's always good, but that was just mind blowingly delicious. But I think that was exactly what we needed that night. And every night since we have ended our days with hours alone in our bed, reminding each other of how much we miss the D/s dynamic. How great we are when we allow ourselves to be the people we were born to be. And how much we MISS being Master and slave.

I think between the session on Monday, and the merging of my blog and the coming out of who I really am, we are well on our way to solidifying our roles, our marriage, our relationship, yet again. I missed being his 24/7 slave and hated being the "when we have time" woman I had somehow become. I am so grateful to have this back in our lives.

Love Always,

--Autumn

Taking off the mask

2011-12-01T18:28:00.001-06:00

Okay so I went MIA a LOT longer than I ever intended to. Life got in the way. It happens.

So a lot has changed since my last post (which I can't even remember, nor do I feel like reading first) and I won't bore you with all the details. I will say that one of the issues I've been having lately is the fact that I have TWO blogs: one where I am under my own name (my real name) and this one.

I've been SERIOUSLY thinking that it's time to merge the two. I'm tired of trying to keep up with two separate blogs. It's gotten to the point where I've been ignoring BOTH of them and putting off writing anything at all. Not to mention the stress of hiding who I am from some people and being completely open with others.

I am so fucking nervous lol. Before I get too nervous or think it through too much, I am going to be merging my blogs (if I can figure out exactly how to do that. My family might have a heart attack (they read my other blog) and my friends might think I've LOST it (the good ones know about BOTH blogs) but I am just tired trying to keep some things from one blog or make sure that events that happen are hidden on this one so the connection isn't too close to the other one... it just takes ENTIRELY too much energy to keep up with.

Maybe I should take a shot or two of tequila before I go any further...

So now the question is, how do I go about this? Obviously you all are going to demand pics (I would if it was someone else lol). I do NOT plan on posting any R or XXX rated pictures of myself just yet (not enough tequilla for that one - and I really don't want my real life friends or whole family knowing what my tits look like) but at the same time, I'm sure people will want to see the real me. But it also might be fun to post teasers, or to string this out and make it a week long blog event...

In the meantime I will give you all a bit of info about me.....
.....tomorrow :P

haha okay okay, I'll at least sign this with my real name (my first name anyway) and in the next few days or so I will work on linking the two blogs (even if I have to cut and paste everything from here to there.)

With all my love,
--Autumn

**UPDATE**

After 4 hours of trying to force merge my Google accounts, I figured out that I could just add my real self as an author on this blog. Then I changed my status from "Author" to "Admin" and then deleted the ariia google account off the blog. So this is me. Totally 100% searchable me. I'm dying to see how this is taken by my readers and my friends (hoping family stays far far away from it though....)

Also, to those of my real life friends who get curious and read through everything on here, some of the details were changed to help stay anonymous. I'm not going to go back and fix it all right now though. I think I'll just wait and see how this goes over first.

Okay enough blabbing, happy reading!

MOVING!!

2011-07-13T22:28:00.001-05:00

The moving date is FINALLY getting closer. Next week Master will be in town for a few days to close up some stuff around here that I can't do for him. I can not WAIT to see him again. I have fantasized, dreamed, wished for, and imagined how it will go down when I see him again for the first time in more than two months. I miss him so much I can't focus on anything else. I feel like I am lost among the fields, wandering around looking for something familiar, something to give me purpose in the waiting period, and yet nothing, is as amazing or as safe feeling as Master is to me. I wish I could sit here and blog about anything other than how much I miss him. I wish I had something more "fun" or "sexy" to post, but I fear that my readers will get sick of hearing how much I miss him (if they haven't already).

So until July 24th I will be MIA. (Might even be until July 28th - depends on how much moving takes out of me and how long it takes to unpack and get settled in, but I have a feeling I will want to write once I get there - after PLENTY of sex of course :)

I hate that I am taking such a long break (yet again) but at the same time, I kind of need this. I need to get my focus back, I need to just long for my Master without worrying about appeasing others (other than my kids of course - and a quick update there - we've gone to the pool every single day that it hasn't rained here and have spent HOURS soaking up the sun, splashing in the water and playing in the pool together. I love this time with them, but we all miss their Daddy.)

So until the boxes are unpacked, I bid you all well,
--ariia

Awaiting the Reuniting with Master...

2011-07-01T02:35:00.000-05:00

Your touch is feather light on my skin, sending shivers through my body. I try my hardest not to noticeably shake as the ripples of pleasure from feeling your fingers on my body soar through me like lightening across the sky. My back is to you and your breath is hot on my neck. You know what I want, what I need, but you want to take your time, teasing me as always with the patience of a thousand men. Your fingers trail over my shoulder blades and down my arms, going back the path they came from and then down my spine, fingering the thin material keeping me from being totally nude before you.

Ever so slowly you take gently slide the strap on my shoulder down my arms, first one and then the next, exposing my upper back and neck to you more fully. My hands ache to rush you, but you have commanded me to stand still, unmoving, and not to even dare try to make you go faster than you want to go. My breath catches in my throat as I feel your tender kiss at the nape of my neck. Hot and wet you breath onto me, licking the skin beneath your mouth, causing goosebumps to pop up and shivers to run through me once more. In my mind I am begging you to just bite down on me, to mark me, hit me, suckle on my neck, anything more than feather light touches and frustratingly slow movements.

Your hands, still holding tight to the straps of my gown, slide down my arms, exposing more and more of my body to your awaiting eyes. "Mmmmm, you look simply fuckable" you tell me as you kiss my neck again, harder, wetter, and longer than before. I exhale slowly, praying to whomever will listen that you will stop this maddening tease and just fuck my brains out already. You laugh, like a true sadist, knowing that withholding pain from a masochist such as myself is the worst thing a sadist can do.

I start to turn my head to you, ready to break the rule of silence and beg, promise, plead with you to hurt me; but just as I move my head and my hair starts to sway your hand is suddenly around my throat, gripping me with a fierce anger. "I commanded you to be still, slave!" you loudly whisper in my ear, the displeasure in your tone so thick even a deaf person would have picked up on it. I stiffen, afraid that I may get the worst punishment if I move again: no punishment at all.

How I ache to have you roughly grab me, to be thrown onto the bed by you and ravaged like a bitch in heat. I think of the marks you have given me before, the way my body looks when it is bruised by your hands, the way I feel as you inflict your lusts across my skin with the belt or the flogger or the cane. I almost moan aloud as I consider the many different ways you could abuse me, but I bite back the moan as well as the question of forgiveness. I do not want to be forgiven. I want to be beaten.

Your hand around my throat relaxes, "That's better, my slave. Being obedient will get you what you desire, what I desire to give you." and with the final word your hand releases my throat and then slaps me hard across my back. I move forward an inch, lavishing the sting, the heat rising to the surface of my skin. Without thinking I sigh loudly happy and lustful for more. You hit me again, this time with the rubber flogger, across the same spot. My back curls away from you and the instant I realize what I am doing I bend to give you better access. I want more.

Letting go of my dress completely, it tumbles to the floor, no longer supported on the straps by your fingers. "On your knees, slut" you command me, and immediately I go down, knowing fast obedience is the surest way to more pain and pleasure. Your foot finds it's place in the middle of my shoulders and pushes me onto all fours, not rough enough to hurt, just enough to let me know how you want me. I crouch there, shivering slightly from the cold and anticipation of what may come next. A hard smack of the paddle across my naked bottom let's me know that you have more tools at your disposal and are more than ready to enjoy them. I arch again, raising my ass to you, my way of silently begging with my body. Again you hit me, and again, and again. My ass is on fire and yet I want more. Then you stop and it is quiet for a moment. I ache to look at you, to see what pleasures you have in store for me next. Suddenly the harsh pinch of your fingers is felt all over me; my ass first, bringing out more pain and a moan of ecstasy from my dry throat, then on my sides, my legs, my arms. As you reach over me to get to my wrists I realize you are also naked and I wonder how on earth you managed to pull that off just before I forget everything except the feel of your hard cock resting between the slit of my ass cheeks. I suck air in quickly, trying my best to be still as instructed, all the while screaming to move harder against your thick rod.

"You like this, don't you little girl?" You whisper gently into my ear, leaning harder onto me. "You may answer me now, slave" you whisper again, being sure to blow extra hot air over my neck and shoulder as you speak. "Oh yes, Master" I reply, trying to put every ounce of desire I can muster into those three short words. "You like it when Daddy punishes his slut and gives her exactly what she needs, what she deserves, don't you, little girl" you say, as your hand fondles my ass, your fingers finding their way to my sweet, wet pussy. My only response at this point is a long moan, and finally, ignoring your command, I move against your hand, hoping you will put a finger deep inside. "Oh, yes. You're soaking wet, slut" you tell me as you drive not one but two long fingers into my waiting cunt. Without any gentleness left you start to fuck me right there with your hand, kissing my back, my shoulders and my neck, your lust finally taking control of the patience you had and winning it's long awaited desires.

Before I know what is happening you pull your fingers from my tight slot and shove your stiff, thick cock into me. I cry out in joy. Your hand rushes to my throat and you grasp it holding tight. "I told you to shut up, whore!" you say, pushing harder, faster into me as you tighten your grip. I no longer care for your rules and can not contain the pleasures within me from escaping in moans and grunts as I move with you. You release my throat and grab my hips, fucking me harder. One hand suddenly releases my side and then slaps down across my ass, my back, my upper arm and then on my ass again. I scream out as I orgasm over the top of ecstasy mountain and crash to the bottom of the valley in my mind. I hit subspace just you bite down on the lower left side of my back. Your teeth demanding another orgasm out of me, one hand gripping my side for balance the other pinching my nipple and pulling my breast. We continue on like this for some time, me crying out in pleasure, orgasm after orgasm until finally you grunt loudly and spill your load into my waiting pussy. Sweaty and tired we collapse on the floor in a heap, your pressing against my body, making it slightly difficult to breath. But I don't care. I have been fucked properly, reminded of my place, reminded that you are Master and I am slave and nothing in the world could possibly make me happier.

--ariia

Fantasy

2011-06-18T06:40:00.000-05:00

Your hot breath on my neck, wet kisses trailing from that special spot that makes me go wild down between my breasts. You pause for a moment to suck on each nipple, biting a bit to let me know what is to come. Your trail continues over my belly as you whisper to me how sexy I am and how much you want me. Your kisses go down past my belly button and your hands move my panties out of the way as you continue south. You pause right before you reach my pussy and then you quickly move to the left, making me groan in frustration, wanting you back over my wettest spot. You laugh softly as you kiss the inside of my right thigh, then move over to the left. You know kissing me on the thighs, so close to home, drives me absolutely crazy. I try to reach down to move your head where I want it and you grab my wrist and tie me to the bed, saying that now you have to start all over.

I pull against my restraints, trying desperately to get you to eat me out. You already know what I will be trying though and have therefore tied the knots in such a way that they tighten as I pull against them. Knowing that I can’t possibly break the bonds that hold me down, you decide to torture me a bit, tickling my thighs by lightly touching them, lightly biting my sides of my tummy and making me squirm under you.

I get wetter as you tease and lick and bite at me. My laughs switch to moans and my desperation to be fucked by you grows. I cry out and beg you to just take me. Finally you’ve had enough of the teasing and you grab my thighs tightly and shove yourself deep inside of me, both of us groaning as you do. You whisper in my ear “cum for me” and instantly I am on fire for you. Thrusting into me again and again you pound out my frustrations. I pull tighter on the ropes trying to raise my hips to your motions, crying out your title as I reach orgasm. “Again” you whisper in my ear just as I finish. “Again?!” I ask, trying desperately to both obey and object “but I just finished, sir!” You slap my breast hard as you command me to obey you. “I am your Master, slut, and I have given you an order, now obey me.”

My cries of ecstasy are sure to be heard by our neighbors, but I don’t even care. You pound into me, again and again. Your hand reaches for my throat and you choke me as you fuck me. My wrists hurt from the ropes, my throat burns from being choked, but I love it. I crave it. I need it. Sensing that I need more pain you start to pinch my nipples, slap my sides and pull on my clit; little things that drive me wild. Before I know it we are both spent, and you’re so close to orgasm I can feel you trying to hold back, trying to make it last even longer, and then the hot stream of your cum fills me up inside, forcing me to orgasm once more. Panting you collapse on top of me, sucking on my neck once more, pushing me to the finish line, whispering your love for me and how beautiful I am, especially after I’ve been fucked silly and marked as yours.

--ariia

FormSpring Me

2011-06-15T22:58:00.001-05:00

Okay, time to handle the FormSpring Me questions. I answer all questions as long as they don’t give away who I am, and/or aren’t abusively posed (I’ve seen some of the questions my friends get, if you’re rude to me, rude about my relationship or trolling my questions, do not expect an answer).

This week I have one question that seems a little bit like trolling, but I ran it by Master and he said to answer it anyway, it might not have come from a troll.
1) Do you fear your children finding out about your lifestyle and how this may affect their development? You perspective is honed by experience and years of thought on the subject but to young children this could be perceived as a seriously abusive relationship.

No I do not fear my children finding out about my relationship. First of all, Master takes great measures to make sure the girls do not find out about the full nature of our relationship. They know that Daddy is the head of the household and that Mommy does as she is asked. They don’t see a difference between our relationship and someone else’s except that Daddy and Mommy are happy and we work together. We have a rule in our house that there are no stupid questions, all questions will be tolerated. We answer them age appropriately and as honestly as we can.

2) What is your definition of “over the edge”?
I don’t know, it depends on the context. I am assuming you mean sexually, since this blog is pretty sexual. To me “over the edge” would be orgasmic.

3) Do you enjoy shopping?
Yes, too much actually. I am fairly addicted to shopping; it gets me in a lot of trouble.

4) Did your Master abandon you? You still have your readers!
It was this question that forced me back to blogging. No, Master did not abandon me, he did however move to Texas to take a job he got there (I can’t move till the girls are out of school for the year, so I am still here in New York). We talk daily, but it is hard being married and in a long distance relationship, harder than I gave it credit for. In fact, I have new found respect for Masters and slaves who are long distance.

5) YOU JUST WOKE UP NAKED IN BED NEXT TO ME. Using only 3 words, what would you say to me? ...Note: If you comment, you must copy and paste this as your status. So I may comment on yours as well. Be a good sport. Play along.
That was AWESOME!

6) Do you think that a person who gets gratification out of controlling, psychologically manipulating, physically hurting and "owning" another person is a mentally stable person? Do you think that this reflects a sane mindset or do you think such a person re..?
Okay stupid FormSpring cut off the last part there, but I can answer the first bit! That depends on if the person is doing it with the other person’s permission or not. As a slave I gave Master permission to have control over me, by any means. I gave up my rights voluntarily. I think both Master and I are very sane, probably more so than most.
If this person is just trying to control anyone, especially people who have not given them permission to do so, then no, I do not believe they are mentally stable. And I would have to say they are either insane (to think that people will willingly allow them to do whatever, without permission – ever heard of Stockholm syndrome?) I think that people who are forced into a BDSM and then turn out to be “okay” with it, have Stockholm syndrome. And I think people who force others into this lifestyle are insane and need serious help. These people are abusers, they do not love, they do not care about anyone but themselves, and the people they dominate are victims.

Thanks for asking! These were some pretty great questions :)

--ariia

Missing Master

2011-06-15T00:17:00.001-05:00

Master got a new job in Texas. This means moving again. I am not really looking forward to it. I enjoy this place we have here. I like the story book weather. I am just starting to feel settled here, and now we have to move again. Master knows I would follow him to the ends of the earth, but I don’t just want to follow. I want to go happily.

The problem right now is that Master already went to Texas. He moved about a month ago. Which means for the past month I have been on my own (not single, but alone just the same). I still follow the rules, but there aren’t as many to follow now either. Usually I am waiting on Master hand and foot, making sure he has what he needs or wants, making sure he stays on schedule himself, taking care of him, etc. But he’s not here. I am playing with the girls a lot more lately too, taking them out and about, having more talks with them to make sure they’re doing okay in school and with friends. They think it’s weird, lol. They miss their father too and I know it is important to keep them communicating. We talk about how it’s “just us girls” for a while and are attempting to make time fly (by having fun). But there are moments when we stop and just have to say we miss him too. Like last night when I made 4 potatoes instead of just 3.Or the second night when my daughter got out 4 place settings forgetting for a moment that he wasn’t here.

I’m not exactly sure how I am even keeping it together. Being away from Master for so long is harder than I ever thought it would be. I play the role of the “happy-go-lucky” girl and I pretend everything is fine. It’s not fine. I am falling apart, but holding myself together for the sake of the kids, the sake of Master.

I am also doing the bare minimum around the house. It’s clean, but it is not up to Master’s standards. It’s almost as though I have lost a part of me. We didn’t split up, which almost makes it harder somehow. I guess if we had split up I could be in the moving on phase, but I feel as though I am stuck on “pause”. To help get through the “I don’t feel like cleaning” funk I have started watching “Hoarders”. There are some really awful homes on there (okay all of them are awful!) and seeing the filth some people can put up with has encouraged me to clean and throw out anything I don’t need.
I guess I’m just procrastinating and a little down over not having Master here as much as I am used to. It’s so frustrating being so far away from him. In his words he said “We’re married, it is unnatural for us to be apart this long, and I don’t enjoy it either”. I miss him. We talk on the phone or online, but it is never the same as having him here with me. I have another 6 weeks before I see him again. I have no idea how I am going to make it through this; I just know I have to.

-- ariia

I'm back!

2011-06-13T03:02:00.000-05:00

Holy hell! I haven’t blogged here since March!! I know you all must feel as though I have abandoned you, but I haven’t! I took a very long (and partially ordered) sabbatical from blogging for a while. I don’t even know where to begin here because it’s been so long.
I guess I should start at the beginning. I went through a pretty dark period around my birthday. I’m not sure what exactly happened, or what provoked it but I wound up getting depressed. Maybe it was because I was turning another year older, maybe it was stress from my in-laws (too long of a story there, maybe I’ll blog that one some other time). Anyway I wound up getting put on some anti-depressants.
I was happier for a while and then I stupidly forgot to take a dose. You think depression is bad, going on meds and then subsequently going off meds is pretty awful. It was a mistake for sure. I came very close to committing suicide. I had pills laid out on the bathroom floor and was ready to down them all when Master walked in. It had been two days since I had taken my anti-depressants and it really took a toll on my emotional state.
I didn’t have to go to a suicide ward or anything, but it was really scary for Master and me. I started seeing a therapist, got back on my meds and started working on getting my life in better order.
Normally that would mean I got back to being Master’s slave. But somewhere along the way I lost the courage to blog. I was tired of letting people down (and I felt that I had let people down by going through such a funk). I guess I didn’t want to talk about it anymore, but at the same time I didn’t want to blog either.
Master told me not to blog if I didn’t feel like, to just focus on getting myself better. By the time I wanted to blog again, I feared that it had been too long. I was worried that you all wouldn’t understand. I didn’t want to tell you the real reasons I had stopped blogging.
Let me make one thing very clear, my relationship with Master has not caused my depression. I have been suffering from clinical depression since I was 15. It’s something I will always have to deal with and Master has known about since before we got together romantically. My relationship with Master has improved my depression in so many ways. He pays for my therapy, he pays for my medical needs, he makes sure I take all my pills.
I wasn’t on medication for years because I wasn’t dealing with as much stress as I have had to deal with in the past, and I wasn’t addressing the main issue that caused the depression to begin with (abuse from my childhood). We think part of the trigger was my Mother-in-law’s behavior. We think life being life was the rest.
I am back. I am blogging again and I have about 8 FormSpring Me questions to answer. I will catch you all up in the next few posts.

Also, I have discovered that the bastards at Photobucket have deleted most of my pictures and therefore you can't see them on my blog. I guess I knew better, but it pisses me off just the same. I will be working on that as well.

With love,
--ariia

FormSpring Me 10, 11 and 12

2011-03-12T18:34:00.000-06:00

What do you think your master would do if he found out you were pregnant?

We have actually had a pregnancy scare before and Master was excited at the prospect of being a dad. It's something we've discussed at length and if I do wind up pregnant, it will be a welcome addition to our family.

Did you ever go to college? How were you different in that time vs. now?

I did actually, I have a degree in English (I know, useless degree, but it was worth the college experiences). I'm different in many ways from then and now. Back then I was quick to speak and slow to listen. I thought I was invincible (like most college kids) and I thought I was above the law. I was bitchier too. I thought I ruled the world. In college, I was definitely more dominant than submissive, but I was never fully satisfied and always thought about what life might be like if I ever chose to let someone else have power over me. I think back then I was too scared to trust anyone with that kind of power (and it's a good thing too, because most the guys I dated while in college were not life-long material.)

Are you submissive by nature (i'm assuming yes based on previously answered questions)? As in do you find that you're a follower more-so than a leader in general? What do you think of feminism? Love the blog!

I think ultimately, yes I am submissive by nature. But I also have a stubborn streak that doesn't allow others to push me around. I take orders from one and only one person in my life. I am quick to stand up for myself (since I got stepped on so much in my late teens and early twenties). I have been told by several people that I am a natural leader, which I love because of how ironic it is to who I am at home. I am a slave by choice, and I love being Master's property, but I also love how strong I am emotionally. I enjoy knowing that I chose to give Master the power he has. I didn't get tossed into this role and I certainly wasn't forced. When someone tells me I'm a natural born leader, I smile knowing that my secret is still very safe. :)

As far as feminism goes, I'm a little torn. I am all for powerful women, after all Dommes are pretty fucking sexy! But I'm not for putting down all men, or blaming all men for everything wrong in this world. I am 100% for women's rights and you can be a submissive and a feminist at the same time. It's not a contradiction to be both at once. A submissive chooses to give up her rights (or at least most of them) to someone else, but she has to have rights to give up in the first place, that's part of what being submissive is all about. That's the difference between victims and submissives: choice.

Great Questions!
Thank you all so much for asking,
-ariia

Coming Out

2011-03-02T08:00:00.001-06:00

Much like Atheism, people who are part of the BDSM world seem to be hiding amongst us. (*GASP!* Say it isn't so!). Many times I look at those around me and wonder who else has a kinky side, other than yours truly of course.

It makes for some fun fantasies! I can't help but wonder what little miss perfect down the street would look like handcuffed and gagged. Or if Mr. Stuffy is as Dominate behind closed doors as he wants me to think he is in public (you know the type, the kind of guy who can make your skin crawl for no apparent reason. the ones who seem to think that women are weak minded and made for bossing around) and to get over his wanna be power trip I think of him in pink garters, tied, bound and gagged being tortured by his Domme. I wonder what the world would be like if some of our dirty little secrets slipped out or peeked out of the closet every now and then... but I know how dangerous that can be too.

My little hope (and I admit, some fear) is that with songs like Rhianna's S&M our lifestyle will mainstream a bit. But then again, that's not an all good thing. There are ups and downs to every kind of change. Being a realist I try to step back and see what both the pro's and the con's have to offer.

I love her new song, though honestly I'm not a big fan of Rhianna's her last two songs have been catchy to me because of the S&M undertones to them. I'm sure you all have seen it already (I'm usually behind the times on these things) but I thought I would post a link to her newest song on my blog. I love the line "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdS6HFQ_LUc

So thank you, Rhianna, for making me feel a little less like a freak and a little more glamorous. (Though all things considered, being a freak is a lot more fun than being vanilla!)

-ariia

Lyrics to the song include:

Feels so good being bad
There's no way I'm turning back
Now the pain is my pleasure
Cause nothing could measure

Love is great, love is fine
Out the box, out of line
The affliction of the feeling
Leaves me wanting more

Cause I may be bad
But I'm perfectly good at it
Sex in the air
I don't care
I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones
May break my bones
But chains and whips
Excite me

Cheating on Submitting

2011-03-01T08:00:00.000-06:00

No this post is not about cheating on your Master, or on your submissive, though it is related a bit.

I love this picture. She is in a submissive pose, but her eyes are challenging. That's pretty much how I've felt lately. And it's not exactly a good thing....

There are people who take this role on and think "Oh being submissive, I can totally do that! It might be fun to try it!" Which is all well and good and very much encouraged! But there are others who claim to be fully submissive (sometimes to the point of being called slave) and yet they cheat at their roles.

I am not pointing fingers anywhere else but myself here. I have issues with some of the thoughts that run through my head. For example, when Master tells me to run all purchases through him, except walmart purchases. My mind responds with "Walmart sells gift cards and many other things I don't actually need but want, so I can probably get around that if need be!" I can't help but chastise my inner self for even having such thoughts!

It goes a little like this:
"Who the fuck do you think you are?! Need I remind you that you volunteered for this role?! You were not forced, you were not coerced, you were not tricked or duped into playing the role of slave, or having a Master. You either are or you aren't and how dare you take advantage of everything Master has done for you so far!"

I'm pretty hard on myself and with good reason. I want to be the best Master has ever had, in every way. I don't want to know if I fail in things I can not change, but I desperately want to change the parts of me that I know I can change for him. For the betterment of my service to him.

So my question to my lovely readers is this: In what ways do you find yourself cheating on your role (in your opinion) and how do you handle it? How does your Dom handle it?

Hoping to conquer my spirited side without killing the spirit,
--ariia

FormSpring Me #9

2011-02-27T07:49:00.002-06:00

Fun Questions from Rayne over at Insatiable Desire. If you haven't checked out her blog yet, you're missing out! Thanks, Rayne for these fun based questions.

1) Of all the fictional characters in the world, which is most like you and why?

I would have to say Jasmine from Aladdin. Mostly because she's sexy as hell and isn't afraid to bat her eyelashes to get her way. She's spoiled and bratty at times but she doesn't mind learning new things (like jumping from roof top to rooftop) or getting her hands dirty. She also showed extreme loyalty to those close to her. But then my perverted (and more fun) side comes out and it just seems like she would be the type to enjoy being bound and gagged too. She may act tough, but I'm betting she would make a great sub. Even if she did put up a bit of a fight with Jaffar.

2) In a movie about your life, who would play you?

Oh geeze, that one is a bit tougher. If I get to pick then I would pick Anne Hathaway. Mostly because she looks a bit like me and I love her movies. Also because she seems to have no problem playing the role of "slut" when she needs to and yet she can pull off an innocent charm like no other. (And she's hot as hell!)

On a side note, unless you want every Disney movie you've ever watched to be perverted (and sometimes that's not all bad....) I do NOT suggest looking up "Sexy Princess Jasmine".

Thanks for asking,
--ariia

Restless!

2011-02-26T15:13:00.000-06:00

I don't know what's been going on with me lately. Maybe I'm going through mini panic attacks (a friend of mine has them all the time) but that doesn't quite explain all my "signs" either. Restless seems to be the best word to use to describe my current mental state.

I feel frisky and horny and sexy and sleepy and worn out all at the same time. I want to get up and do something (or someone) and then when I actually stand up to do anything I feel like I have no energy because standing zapped it out of me.

I haven't hit the gym in a WEEK because of a cold that knocked me down and put me out and I don't want to over do it but at the same time, the lust for energy is zapping in the air around me.

Master tried to fuck the energy out of me (after all, he's ordered me to bed but mostly because I need the rest) in hopes that I would in fact rest. All I manage to do is read my book. I hate being on bed rest (though it's not fully doctor ordered it is fully Master ordered!). It makes me feel useless!

There are things to do and rooms to clean and Master to tend to! Master has given me permission to go running this evening, as long as I truly feel up to it. And after going to the store to restock the groceries, cleaning out the fridge of questionable leftovers, and trying to catch this house up on chores and laundry.... I fear I may not really be up to running.

Oh I could lie to Master and say I am, but really, what's the point in serving if you're going to cheat at it. (A motto I'm having to repeat to myself often lately. Another post for another time)

So until I am all better, I guess I will just have to suffer through being restless!

Whiny and bitchy and just plain bleh!,
--ariia

PS the art posted at the top of this blog was found here: http://fineartamerica.com/featured/restless-by-pino-evelina-k.html And I LOVE it.

Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T07:04:00.000-06:00

Asking why a BDSM couple celebrates Valentine's day is a bit like asking an Atheist why they celebrate Christmas. You just look at the other person like "Did you really just ask me such a stupid question?" and try to come up with a polite answer.

Master and I have been asked this a few times by our vanilla friends who know of our relationship. I think the question they really want to know is not why we celebrate Valentine's Day, but how we choose to celebrate it. (Or rather, how Master tells me how to celebrate it).

Well that's a totally different question now isn't it? Some people (most people) see Valentine's day as a super sappy, overly romantic, overly commercialized holiday. I can't think of a single mostly international holiday that isn't overly commercialized now. Even Saint Patrick's Day is full of greens and Irish sayings and beer.

Anyway, how you choose to celebrate Valentine's Day should be a reflection on how your relationship goes. Valentine's day is not a day to be someone completely different (that's what Halloween is for ;) but a day to magnify the good aspects of your relationship and set aside time to enjoy the things you love most about the other person.

Master does this by sending me to get a two hour massage and enjoy a little time at the spa. You all might be surprised to hear that Master has made a habit of buying me fresh cut flowers for the table since we said "I do". It's his way of letting me know that he loves me and desires to keep all aspects of our love alive. So while I am expecting flowers, it's only because of a habit he put into motion long before today arrived.

I keep the house spotless and cook Master's meals every day, so I'm not doing that just because it's Valentine's Day, I'm doing it because I am his slave and this is part of my job. However I did spend some of the money Master has given me (in the form of an allowance) on gifts Master should enjoy. I got him several books he's had his eye on for a while, a new robe that I think he will really enjoy and am cooking his favorite meal and dessert.

We will probably end the evening with a session or we may just sit on the couch and watch a movie together. It really depends on how busy our day was and how worn out we wind up being by the end of the night. After all, Valentine's day happened to fall on a Monday this year, so we have to keep decent bedtimes in mind.

As I said earlier, Valentine's Day should be a day that magnifies the good in your relationship, not a day to dress up and pretend to be someone else. Master and I believe that Valentine's Day focuses on reminding the other person that they are loved, however you choose to do that. It is a bright and shiny day in the midst of bleak winters and otherwise cold nights.

So if you celebrate by getting tied up and beaten, or by being pampered at the spa, enjoy it, embrace it and be thankful you have someone to share it with.

-ariia

Pain

2011-02-08T20:22:00.000-06:00

I crave it. Your mark on my body is one of my highest honors. To be bruised by you, forced to cum by your hands, slapped for being sassy, pinched for the hell of it. Your hand around my throat causes me to gasp in pleasure, even when my mind wants to disobey. My body cries out for more. My heart swells as your teeth sink into my skin. Like a white canvas, I am yours to paint.

The flogger, the whip, the belt and the chains are my friends. They remind me of who I am, and who you are. When your power is yielded upon me I cry out with pleasure. There are days where I seek for something but can not put my desire into words, and then your hands are upon me, reminding me that you are in control. Reminding me that sass is not allowed, that bad attitudes will not be permitted, that stepping out of line requires punishment.

Your anger is always controlled. Never have you used it against me. In your sadistic nature, you know that with holding the pain I so desperately desire is the ultimate weapon in your disposal. But in your mercy, you grace me with it anyway. You bring orgasms from my body again and again.

The ropes that bind me cut into my tender flesh singing their songs of amusement as I pull against them. My body rises to your command. My hips thrust for more of you, my back arches to give you better access to all of me. My nipples rise in salute to their leader.

And when it is over, my whole being sighs in contentment, forever grateful that you are my Master and the only thing on my mind is "Sir."

Pissed Off and Annoyed

2011-02-07T23:06:00.000-06:00

There are some trials in life that we must all go through - having a horrible Mother in Law (MIL) is mine apparently.

She doesn't know the nature of the relationship Master and I have (and I'm sure that if she did, she would try to have me arrested for it or put away in a hospital or something). She has actually said to Master that if he doesn't choose to divorce me than he is obviously choosing to divorce her. I want to slap the woman and remind her that she is his mother and not his ex wife or ex girl friend or anything of the sort.

I have been contemplating blogging about this for a while now. First off, I have no where else to blog it. Secondly, there are some things in life you need to just VENT and this is one of those things. And thirdly, well if I can't trust you people with this, then I have bigger problems on my hands than I realized (seeing as to how each and every one of you know the full extent of the relationship I have with Master...haha)

Master has had my back the entire time she has tried to stab me in it. (Which has been since the day I met her). But it's hard to vent about her to Master over and over. I know he's getting tired of hearing it, he says it doesn't bother him because he's had 20 years to stop caring about what she says or thinks. I am not yet to that point. I can not stand that she is trying to cut him off from that side of the family over me. I can not stand that I am even some small part of the source of him not being as close to family as family should be. I know I am not at fault here but I don't know how to handle this.

There are days where I think "Maybe if Master just ordered me to ignore it and not be bothered by it, I could forget it" but then again if he ordered that I would disobey for sure. (I can't help but worry over this stupid issue.)

Ugh. I hate this. I wish I knew where to go from here. In the mean time all I want is to be beaten soundly by Master and whipped into shape, literally.

The pain he causes me brings me pleasure, the pain she causes me scars my heart. I have got to learn to let go of her and her issues or it just might be the death of my sane self. (or at least the part of self that is still sane....)

Desperate,
--ariia

For her Pleasure

2011-02-05T11:13:00.000-06:00

His hand around my throat, he asked me again "What do you want, slave?". My body quivered with desire, my mind racing to put the image I formed into words "To be bound and blindfolded, Sir" I replied. My voice was husky, a mixture of need and pure desire.

Within seconds Master had my eyes covered. My wrist was jerked away from playing with my clit, and the roughness of the rope grazed across my skin. I sucked in air, anticipation climaxing as my other wrist was bound. It was cold in the room without any coverings or clothing and I shivered a bit. Master threw a blanket on my naked body. "We don't need you to get sick while I prepare your body, do we?" he asked. First one leg and then the other were also bound, until I was spread eagle on the four poster bed.

His fingertips grazed my thighs, my arms and my belly. Lightly teasing me, watching my body respond. Then I felt the cold gel of the lube we use against my clit, a big glob of it. Before I could form the question of the use of lube in my mind (I was already pretty wet!) I heard the hitachi wand come to life. All other thoughts were banished from my mind as the wand met my clit.

My hips arched as best as they could, moans I would have tried to keep silent slipped past my lips as the orgasm took control. "Yes, sweet slut, you like this don't you?" Master said, teasing me as he put the wand to my clit and then took it away again.

He sucked on my nipples, biting them gently at first but with more force as the orgasm shook through me. I moaned in ecstasy, climaxing then immediately being brought back to the brink of orgasm. Never in my life have I moved from one orgasm to another so quickly. Normally, Master allows me breathing room in between orgasms. He lets my body calm down, watches me as I sink back into a "normal" form of "turned on" and then brings me back to climax. This time, there was now "down time" between orgasms.

Pushing his fingers deep inside of me, he pumped my G-spot and held the vibrator steady, watching me thrash on the bed, grasping at the ropes that bound me, using them to lift my hips and arch my back into the wand.

At some point I begged for water, which Master promptly provided. I think, if given the opportunity, I would have blacked out from the pleasure, but Master never let me settle on one feeling long enough to do anything other than moan, roll my eyes back into my head or cry out for more.

I felt him move to a position over me. Felt him lean down and nuzzle my neck, biting, licking, sucking. His free hand roamed over my body, pinching, rubbing, thrusting, the vibrator never left my clit. I tried to move so that it did, "Too much!" I cried out "I can't handle more!" but Master pushed my limits.

When I felt as though I really would die from the ecstasy he thrust his hard cock deep into me. My whole body was on alert and then suddenly I was filled with him. I felt the tip of his cock pushing at my cervix. I cried out as we started moving together. God it felt so good. All I wanted was more, MORE!

In an explosion of emotions and physical bliss we came together. Panting, full of cum, a little sweaty from so many orgasms, I lay there. Master's body pressing against mine, crushing me delightfully beneath him.

"What do you get out of pleasuring me so fully?" I asked him. "Watching you glow" he responded. There was no pain this time around, not really. A few hard bites and a couple of pinches, but no whip, no cane, no flogger, no belts. Just pure pleasure, aimed at my orgasms.

I've never felt so owned. Love for him poured from every part of my being. A desire to please him for the rest of my days hit me like a wave upon the shore. I've always wanted to please Master, but this new rush of that same desire was emotional and pure that I wanted to cry from it.

Laying there, in Master's arms, I basked in his love for me and reflected on my love for him. In my mind I went over the vows I made to him both as slave and wife, vowing to do more than I had done before. It was a night I won't forget for a long time. And one I hope is repeated again soon!

--ariia

Blossoming...

2011-02-05T01:28:00.000-06:00

My relationship with Master has taken on new levels I didn't see coming. What started out as a "bedroom curiosity" has really blossomed into a lifestyle. I have to admit, when we began this journey as "Master and slave" I didn't really think it affect me the way it has. I thought we were just in for rougher sex and more frequent foreplay. (Orders can be a form of foreplay for me).

What I didn't expect was to give my whole being over to Master so completely. I didn't expect my heart to become so fully involved. I didn't think my definition of who I am as a woman, a wife or a mother would revolve around the way Master sees me.

I never expected to be so tuned into what Master, my husband, would want, need or seek at any given point in the day. I know when his coffee cup is empty and am there as he takes his last sip. I know when he will be hungry, even though his schedule changes from day to day. I know what he needs and am able to provide it before being asked (most of the time anyway). I am so in sync with him that it shocks me, maybe even scares me a bit.

I give him so much of myself. I feel a bit like I've stepped through the looking glass. The old me, the person who fought tooth and nail to get her way, the girl who couldn't take "no" for an answer, who didn't care about other people's feelings or desires for the most part, is dying away. In her place is this woman that inspires me. This gentle spirit who follows orders even when angry. Who gracefully does as she is asked, even when she has a headache, has started her period and desperately just wants to go to bed. This new "me" still complains, but is careful at how she words things. She goes off and tells Master when I am upset and is 100% honest with him, even when it might have been easier to just lie a little.

I still fight with Master at times, but I give in quickly. I apologize more than I ever have and I fight internally with myself to get my attitude back in control. Even in our fights I find myself saying things like "You upset me when you said _____" or "I really don't enjoy ____ and it makes me feel _____". In the past I would have just called him a name and stormed off, stomping my feet and slamming doors in the process.

I don't know what this new lifestyle has in store for Master and I, but I love who I am becoming and I enjoy watching this new "me" unfold. Reflecting on who I was and who I am forces me to smile a bit and slow down, enjoying each new sensation as it comes. Joy, peace, more patience, a gentler way of wording things, this new chick is inspiring. And I am so glad that she is me.

Thank you Master for all you are training me to do, be and become.

--ariia

PS Yes, that's Drew Barrymore in the photo. The move "Ever After" reminds me a bit of me so I think her photo here fits well :)

Who Am I?

2011-01-19T17:23:00.000-06:00

With newlyweds apparently this is a common question. "Who am I now that I am a married woman?" "What is my role in this relationship now?"

My question is: "Why do I feel the need to redifine myself?" After all, I did not change. Master did not change. Our title to the relationship changed. That is all. We are no longer "Boyfriend and girlfriend" to the vanilla world. We are now "Husband and wife"

Master is still Lord and Master of this household. I am still his slave. So why am I fighting that lately? Maybe it's the stress of everything that has gone down in the past month. Maybe it's the stigma that comes from being married in the USA. People here are in love with the wedding, but seem to be clueless as to what comes next. It's frustrating and maddening at the same time.

I have found myself being more stubborn with Master lately. My moods as of late are best described by a storm brewing. I can see it across the field of my days. Dark and menacing clouds full of thunder and rain, bringing with them torturous winds and debris someone will undoubtedly have to clean up. A force not to be reckoned with. As the winds pick up around my humble home I glance out at the clouds again, unsure as to what to do. Master hasn't noticed them yet, should I point them out?

They scare me. I can't seem to control the storm that I know is coming and I fear the disaster it could bring. As the temperatures drop and the air fills with an icy hostility, my panic rises. "What if I'm caught in this storm and I can't stop it? What if I do or say something I will forever regret?" My mind races with the hopelessness of someone lost at sea with no land in sight. My heart skips a few beats out of pure panic. As the storm closes in around me I find myself rushing to my Master, my safe haven, my strong hold. I throw myself at his feet and beg him to forgive me for my moods. I beg him to control them as only he can. I've even brought with me the belt that I hate so much. "Beat it out of me, Sir" I plead.

He seems unaware that I am even sinking into this mood. Maybe it's not that he's unaware so much as it's me being more in tune with my body and mind. I can sense the mood coming before it explodes out of me in the usual way. Silently he takes the belt in one hand and the whip in the other. "On your hands and knees slave" he says kindly, knowing that I need this.

I have found that the longer I go without blogging, the less I feel like a slave. The less I ask for sessions, the less I feel owned. Maybe it's because blogging about it forces me to confess the humility of my position. It could be that having to write "Master" and "slave" over and over reminds me of who I am deep in my soul. Whatever the reason, I can't help but see the connection between dark moods and a lapse in blogging.

After Master beat me soundly I lay there wiped out, teary eyed and exhausted. He shoved his hard cock inside my soaking pussy and fucked me senseless. Three times. I fell asleep between fuck sessions. By the time Master was worn out my pussy was raw and sore, his juices flowing inside of me. Sated, happy and too tired to think about storm clouds I fell asleep again.

I'm not sure I enjoy dropping into these dark moods. In fact, I hate it. But I absolutely LOVE being brought back out of them.

--ariia

FormSpring Me #8

2010-12-11T09:38:00.001-06:00

tell me more on how u like it to be a slave..is it really a fun?

I love being a slave. I've touched on this in a few blog posts past but maybe I should go into a little more detail.

Being a slave is part of who I am. While it is something I chose (technically speaking) it's a bit like "choosing" to breathe... it's just who you are and what you do. You can fight it, but it's not very comfortable.

It's fun in the sense that I am constantly learning who I am and how I react to certain things. It's fun in the sense that play times and certain orders from Master are specifically requested just for the purpose of relaxing or having fun... but there's a dark side to serving too.

It's not all fun and games. There are quite a few orders given that I don't want to follow or that I'm not in the mood to follow. Being a slave is just that, I am a _slave_. I do as told or I get disciplined or it. And being disciplined is NOT fun.

For me, it's a bit like finding my perfect job. There are days I am ready to work, be productive and have a blast doing what I love.... but like everything else in life, there are days where I'm just not feeling it. That doesn't mean I can quit (or that I should!) it just means there are ups and downs, take the good with the bad and keep on trecking.... I could come up with more sayings for that I'm sure, but I don't want to beat the nail with the hammer more than I have to ;)

Thanks for asking!

-ariia

Ask me anything...

Side note: The blog design I had before was apparently discontinued by the creators of it (boo). So I am on the hunt for a new blog design. I may change it up fairly often till I find something that fits me like a glove...

Count on the Whip...

2010-12-09T20:09:00.000-06:00

There is something extremely comforting in the whip. In knowing that no matter what is going on around me I can count on certain things. I can count on the fact that if I misbehave, Master will punish me for it. While he may not get a chance to do so right away, I know I will be punished soon. I can count on the sting of the whip and the fire that lights under my skin with each hit. I can count on the pain turning into a liquid pleasure.

With everything going on these past few weeks I almost forgot what being punished means to me. I knew something was missing, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I didn't really have a chance to sit down and think about it.... I sat down to catch my breath plenty of times, but I either fell asleep or got right back up to tend to someone else's needs.

Yesterday I just burst into tears. The stress of our situation finally got to me, so much so, that sitting here trying to type out everything that I was thinking as my tears fell is difficult. I can barely form the thought before my brain pushes it aside. The pain and stress is still too fresh on my mind. We are by no means out of the tunnel but I needed a moment to just cry it out. Master came into the room and found me weeping silently. He picked me up and turned me to face him. "I know what you need, little one" he said to me, and then he took off his belt...

I love the way it hits my skin. I love how the area slapped goes from sheer pain to fire to pure pleasure. I need it. The gasp I usually give with the first blow came out in a sob. "Oh god yes!" was my only thought. Well no, that's not true. My second thought came just as quickly though "AGAIN!"

I needed a beating, I needed to have a better excuse to cry and I needed the pain. I felt broken, but oddly enough, Master's beating made me feel whole again. The belt came down on my thighs, my ass and my back. I moved into it with each blow. When Master brought out the whip I almost came just from looking at it. "Yes, slut, you need this badly, don't you?" he asked. I wasn't sure if he wanted an answer or not, but before I could give one he was whipping me into ecstasy.

Before I knew it, I was thrusting my hips at him as he beat me. He plunged his hard, big cock into my tight pussy and I gasped at the fullness of him. It hadn't been all that long since we last fucked, but he's so big that it feels as though he is splitting me in two every time he enters me. (It has to be one of my favorite parts about fucking him, or being fucked by him - the first thrust into me) Anyway, his cock made me cum. I didn't even know I was so close to cumming. Which means I didn't ask for permission to cum....

"The whore desires more punishment? Cumming without permission is not allowed, little girl." Master said. He pinched my sides, my thighs, my ass, my breasts and followed his pinches with the belt. Hard, fast and rough. Each stroke, every thrust, and every sting of the whip had me bucking, screaming, crying and begging for more.

"There you go, little girl. Cum for me. Steady on whore, steady on. Never forget that I am here with you and that we will get through this kind of thing together" Master whispered his encouragement to me until I fell asleep in his arms. Exhausted, relieved, throbbing, spent.... whipped.

-ariia

I'd like to take a moment to thank my readers:
I am so thankful that I can count on certain things in the midst of everything else.... I'd like to thank each and every one of you all, especially those who emailed me or commented on my last posts. Knowing that I have a support network helps me press on. Knowing that I can blog about my stress and my ups and downs keeps me writing... thank you all for the blessings on a happy marriage and the wishes that we get through this quickly. It means so much to me :) You guys are awesome. Thank you.

Family Emergency

2010-12-03T09:21:00.000-06:00

Due to the fact that we are dealing with a family emergency I will not be blogging as usual for a while. Probably not until the end of this year. I can not go into details, but I can tell you our lives have been turned upside down and inside out. Master is coping wonderfully, I feel like I'm barely hanging on. The only good news is that being this close to tragedy made Master jump to hang onto those things he treasures most (like me). We have eloped and are now not only Master and slave, but Husband and wife. Which gives us both a little stability in the pain of everything else going on. Please keep us in your thoughts, I may drop in to grieve on here now and then. Thank you all for your words of comfort and caring. We need them now more than ever.

--ariia

How do I learn to become submissive?

2010-12-03T06:39:00.000-06:00

I don't think it's something you can learn. It's something you either deeply desire to do, or tend to do naturally on your own (or a bit of both). Being submissive and having submissive tendencies can be entirely different things. They say the best subs were once very dominate and vice versa.

In past relationships, I had very submissive tendencies, but when my partner proved to be weak at dominating (or refused altogether) I wound up taking over that role (with little success at times, but that's another topic). I think that I so desperately wanted to be submissive that I sought out other submissive men, some of whom wound up to be abusively dominate, some that were so submissive that I felt like I was dating a dishrag.

Today I am submissive but only because I choose to be. I still have tendencies to serve, which is good and I need those, but it's a constant battle of wills for me too. I find myself having to remember that I desperately want Master to dominate me. I lust after his whip or flogger with a thirst I've never known before. I beg for sessions at times because I need his dominate hand so desperately. But at the same time, I tend to fight it every now and then. I've always been strong willed and for most of my life I've had to do things on my own, depending on no one else. Suddenly being 100% submissive 100% of the time is a big switch from "whenever I feel like it".

Don't get me wrong, I love it with every beat of my heart, but it's not something you can really learn from a book or a blog posting either. My advice to you is to read as much as you can and to journal what you find. Not because you're learning how to be submissive, but because you're naturally judging it for yourself as you take in all you read. (Or see if you choose to watch movies based in it).

Look around you and watch others. People naturally fall into D/s relationships no matter where they are in life. A child is naturally submissive to his mother (at least for the first however many years). Write about what you like, what you don't like, what you'd be interested in trying and log all of it. Who knows, maybe in the years to come you find that Dominace is your calling, but because you tasted submission you can appreciate the role that much more. Maybe you'll find that you're more of a switch. Or maybe, you'll find that being submissive is not only something you deeply desire, but something you're a natural at.

Hope that helps a bit, thanks for asking!

--ariia

Ask me anything...

The Ball Gag

2010-11-20T00:13:00.000-06:00

I thought I would rather enjoy it, being gagged and bound and practically helpless as Master had his way with me. I fantasized about it for weeks. Master and I went to our favorite site for sex toys and looked a few of the ball gags they offered. When the one we picked out finally arrived, I was ecstatic. I could not wait to try it out!

Master didn't keep me waiting long, within an hour he had me in position: on all fours with ropes that bound my wrists. The rope ran under the bed and connected to my ankles which were also bound. If Master tugged on the rope I would be forced onto my elbows and my wrists would shoot forward. I'm not exactly sure how it all worked because he blindfolded me shortly after wrapping my wrists.

He put the gag in my mouth and tighten it. For a split second fear coursed through my veins and then rippled over my skin as I sank down into subspace...

In the silence, behind the darkness of the blindfold, I waited. I listened for Master, trying to pinpoint where he was in the room based on the sounds made and what direction they came from. Just as I was focusing on his movements I felt the sharp sting of the belt slap across my ass. I bit down on the ball gag (well I tried to bite down, it's a bit harder to do that than the porn star girls made it seem) I moaned a bit, listening to the way it was muffled by the gag. WHACK! Another slap of the belt, this time across the back of my thighs. Mentally I ran through every feeling going through me: the cold metal of the detachable gag pressed against the sides of my mouth, the saliva I felt building up inside my mouth, the warm heat rising from the spots I'd been hit already, the rest of my body felt fresh and cool, awaiting more pain.

My pussy started to get wet as I anticipated the next move. I tried to raise my ass up a bit for him, tried to arch my back in case that was where he hit next. Sure enough, the belt came down over my shoulder blade. Oh how it felt! So amazing to me that I both enjoy this and move into the thwacks!

Two fingers slid into my pussy and pumped me gently. No words were spoken. I mentally begged Master to speak, to say something, anything. He roughly removed his fingers and it was suddenly silent again. I waited, listened, and waited some more. I moved the ball gag around a tiny bit in my mouth, as much as I could. The sleek silicone ball was neither warm or cold, slightly too big for my mouth and utterly preventing me from speaking. I think at this point I started to hate it slightly. It took away a freedom I'm so used to having: the freedom of speech, moans and whispers.

I turned my head to the left, listening harder for Master. I had last felt him move behind me, but I wasn't sure where exactly he was. Before I could think further, or prepare more though he shoved his hard cock deep into me. It was so unexpected, I cried out and tried to move away from hit. He grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled me back preventing any further movement. “That's right, bitch, fucking take it!” he snarled. God I was so wet. Hearing his voice after what felt like an eternity of silence. I moaned and groaned and wiggled my ass trying to get more of his cock.

He was practically splitting me in two, but I wanted more! I wanted to be hung on the end of him, filled to the brink and then some, ready to explode from being impaled by him. It felt SO GOOD....

The ball gag experiment went off as a raging success. It's smaller in looks than I thought it would be, but it feels almost too big for my mouth. The funny thing is, Master is too big for my mouth as well, though that doesn't stop him from fucking it, or me from enjoying it. The same can be said for the ball gag. However, because it did it's job so well, I have started to hate it slightly. Master has decided it will be used primarily for soft punishments; for when I have been entirely too sassy and he wants me to shut up for a while. He has also decided to use it when he wants to fuck me, but doesn't want to hear anything more than moans out of me. On a side note, if you have allergies or a cold and can't breathe out of your nose too well, the ball gag will suffocate you.

We've used it for almost two weeks now and I'm not sure if I love it or not. I would definitely recommend it to friends simply because it does it's job and it does it well! I'm just not entirely sure I like the ability to talk being taken away from me!

If you'd like to purchase the same Ball Gag Master and I used, or find one you might like better, you can do so here: http://www.TheAdultToyShoppe.com

I hope you enjoy it as much as Master and I do!
-ariia

Stop Stressing.. you look fine!

2010-11-17T13:37:00.000-06:00

**The following is a peptalk I'm giving myself. I'm sure I'm not the only one who needs to hear it though, so I am publishing it here.**

Due to a recent bout of body hate (on my part) Master blocked me from computer usage for a few days. I have done nothing but pour over Victoria Secret magazines, google weight loss strategies and cry over the fact that I gained a few pounds (hello size 10!) Ugh. I even went so far as to spend my allowance on diet pills (that got flushed down the toilet by Master. I have been ordered never to take that trash unless directed by a doctor and given approval from Master. If I want to lose weight I must do it the natural way - working out!)

What is it about those skinny ass heroin models that appeals to us anyway? The VS models aren't too bad looking, but then maybe that's because we can't tear our eyes away from the breasts and asses featured in the pictures to see much else. But at least they look healthy. The girls who walk the catwalk and look like they might die from starvation however..... ick.

Honestly, I am working out more, I am trying to get back down to a size 8 and I am appalled that I have gained enough weight to actually have to go out and get a size bigger pants. I hate it. But I'm trying desperately to learn to love my body even though I don't look runway ready.

I am just so sick of hating the way I look, of nit-picking every little flaw on my body. It has become an obsession and not a good one! It's one thing to work out to be healthier, it's quite another to be found crying over pictures of models while stuffing your face with oreos and proclaiming you'll never be beautiful (guilty as charged).

How Master manages to put up with me sometimes, I will never know. But I will always be grateful for it!

The Holidays are right around the corner. Do yourself (and your loved ones) a favor and DONT beat yourself up about the calories here and there. Walk more, run often, do a few extra sit-ups (or START doing them) but don't give up. So what, you aren't a size 2. Is that really what's important in life? Is that really all you care about? No. So pick up your head, eat that extra cookie and then take care of the extras responsibly – by working out!

Frustrated at self and industry,

-ariia

A Quick Post Before Bed...

2010-11-09T00:16:00.000-06:00

It is late and I need sleep. My body is soundly bruised in all the right places. Master has belted me, whipped me, flogged me and paddled me into submission. I feel gloriously, painfully, aware that I am, in every sense of the word, OWNED. I have been beaten, pleasured, forced past limits and above and beyond any subspace I have ever gone to before. I have been cum in, on and in again. Master has thoroughly used me to please him and in the process has pleased me. I love it and I am so tired I would pass out from pure passion and exhaustion... but I must make Monday's posting or I am sure to get more punishments later, and I doubt my body can handle much more...

I hate shaving. I absolutely HATE it. I hate the feeling of stubble as it grows back in (impossibly fast I might add). I hate the itch that comes along with that. I can not stand having to sit in a hot tub of soapy water for twenty minutes or longer just to soften the skin so that I can rake it up and down with a razor (no matter how fresh the blade, it doesn't feel good!) I hate hair on my pussy (okay I like a landing strip, but Master likes me bare) but I hate the process of becoming bald down there. Master has said that I can get waxed at any time I please, but it scares the living shit out of me. Funny thing is, I can handle a belt on my back so hard that it leaves golf ball shaped, black bruises the next day, in fact I beg Master for more than I can probably handle (he in his wisdom never goes far enough to damage – more on that later) but the idea of a little wax on my pussy scares me. I should honestly just set an appointment and get it done... how long must I wait before I go to get waxed? I just shaved yesterday?

I can't stand exercising. I love being thin, I hate sweating my ass off to stay that way. I love oreos and pie too though and I can't stay a size 8 and eat all I want, my metabolism just can't handle it. Sweating isn't so bad, the soreness my arms and legs and belly feel after a particularly amazing working isn't so bad either.... it's the act of working out that I can't stand. You know what they say though, no pain, no gain.

I don't like my safe word. I hate it so much so, that Master has to train me to use it. I go through cycles of pure obedience followed swiftly by rebellion and frustrations. I'm not sure why I rebel in the first place, I just know I do. Master is swift to punish me for any and all infractions but there are times he likes to punish me to remind me of my place as well. Every now and then though I stop using my safeword. Maybe I get too involved in the scene and I beg for more (this happens often actually, I go down into sub space and then nothing hurts – well nothing we are really interested in trying....). Master stops and reminds me to use my safe word. He pushes me just a little past my limit and waits for my obedience in using the word. When I don't utter it (like the other night) he says “Okay, slave, have it your way.” and then he uses the belt or paddle on my bare flesh until I have no choice but to cry out “RED!”

I have a problem with pride, I've mentioned this before. I don't want to have to use the word because I have it set in my mind that slaves shouldn't use safe words. But Master doesn't use the word for my benefit. He asks me to use it for his. He needs to know that if I am no longer enjoying the scene, I will say so. He trusts me to say so. These lessons are reminders of that. And I need the reminders.

I love being a slave. I love that Master knows full well what I do and don't like and that he finds pleasure in asking me to do things I don't enjoy. I love the way he watches me as I crawl across the floor, nipple clamps in place, the soft silver chain swaying as I go. I love that he enjoys reminding me that I am his to do as he pleases. And honestly, I even enjoy being asked to do things I don't like because it reminds me of my place. It's almost impossible to put that into words.

I have never felt more loved and more secure than when he reminds me that I am owned.

--ariia

**on a side note: In searching for images under the description "beaten" I found some pretty awful things. Let me be very clear here when I say that Master has NEVER ONCE broken skin, caused me to bleed or hurt me in the way some of those pictures show. Master is a Sadist, but he is not a sexual sadist. He knows my limits and if he ever crosses them, he does so gently and carefully. A sexual sadist (in the criminal sense) does not know control and never uses it. BDSM is all about control and enjoying the sensations that flow through us as we play. It's part of why many of us choose not to drink (or get drunk or high) before we participate in scenes. The point is to ignite the senses, not to dull them.

These images were so sickening to me that I wound up looking elsewhere for a photo. Blood is just not my thing, I pass out at the sight of it. Ick!**

Bound and Gagged

2010-11-05T22:51:00.000-05:00

I am bound to the bed, belly facing up, legs and arms spread out, like an X. Master is standing over me, whip in hand, that look of pure sadism on his face. He clamps the ball gag in my mouth and secures it. Gently he caresses my body with the whip, up and down one leg, over the inner side of my thigh, light as air over my wet pussy... grazing a nipple and watching as it hardens under the gentle pressure of the whip. CRACK! He slaps it down hard on my breast before I even knew what was happening. I attempt to cry out around the ball gag but I am sure it comes out as a mere moan.

Master chuckles in a way that makes my thighs go weak and my juices to flow. This sadistic side of him is one of my favorites. I watch, motionless, as he pulls the whip back again. I flinch before I can think not to when he brings it forward to my waiting, unmarked body. He laughs again, because I flinched for nothing, it was a teaser strike. He never even hit my skin. “I love watching you attempt to squirm” he says as he pulls back and pretends to slap at my skin again. “But I love it more when you jump” and with that he brings it down hard on my left thigh. I can feel the ends of the whip snake around and sting my tender flesh. The sting the tip brings is more painful than the rest of the blow. I expect the whip to hit my thigh, I do not expect it to snake around and slap all sides of it, or to come so close to hitting my cunt.

The thought of what he may do to me is both thrilling and scary. I am his. He owns me. I focus on these thoughts and the feelings of the ropes around my wrists and ankles as Master begins to attack my flesh at random. My eyes roll into the back of my head, I don't know if I should cum or cry! All I know is that I don't want him to stop, not just yet! And as though he's read my mind, Master stops his onslaught with the whip.

“I read your blog today” he says to me. I am forced back from my sub space. Forced to think of what topic I chose to write about.... ah yes, the one where I confess my weaknesses. I'm not sure if I've pleased him or given him reason to beat me into submission, but I am turned on either way. “It seems we have much to work out of you tonight, slave” Master says. And with that he blindfolds me. “I want you to think of me and only me. I want you to think of your rules and how you are supposed to please me. I want you to think back to the beginning when this...” and his hits me hard with the paddle “...used to make you cry and not scream out in pleasure”.

I moan a little, trying to remain quiet, trying to concentrate on his words and not what I want him to do with that paddle. I barely get my focus back onto him before the paddle hits me again, this time on my belly, just above my freshly shaved flesh, just below my navel. God it hurts! And yet it feels so good!!

My skin is on fire. Master brings the vibrator out and pushes it against my clit seconds before turning it on. Immediately I raise my hips at it, moaning and lashing and trying desperately to stay close to the vibrations of pure ecstasy coming through it and into me. OH PLEASE GOD LET ME CUM! I think, not able to actually beg due to the ball gag...

and that ladies and gents, is how we started our evening!

More to cum, I promise!

Love,

--ariia

Control and Imperfections

2010-11-04T15:12:00.000-05:00

Master and I have been going over our rules and writing them out lately, which has gotten me to thinking about my faults.

I don't know about you, but my biggest challenge is letting go of my pride. I think I have blogged about this before, but I don't feel like reading through every post made to check, so if I am repeating info... well you love me, you'll get over it ;)

It's almost as though I have to go through a process every day to remind myself that I am owned now. I know I'm getting better, but it frustrates me that I still struggle with this. Like an inner war almost. Master will ask me to do something and I have to almost force myself to answer with “Yes, Sir” every single time.

Is it going to cost me anything to say “Yes, Sir”? No. Is it going to hurt me in some way, shape or form to give him his proper title? No. And yet, I find myself wanting to bite back the “Sir” part and ignore the title.

I also have been battling entitlement lately. I seem to have gotten it in my head that I am owed certain rights. I laugh as I type that, because I gave up all my rights when I entered into this relationship. And yet... I don't know what has gotten into me.

I desperately want to serve Master, it's just a matter of convincing my inner voice that it's okay to let go of control here. Now that I think about it, that might be the problem..... my whole life I have fought for control of the situation. I rarely give in easily. I've been let down so many times in the past that I'd rather just do it myself and have the control even if it kills me. I've fought tooth and nail just to have my way, because it scares the shit out of me to let someone else have control over any aspect of my life.

I've mentioned before that I have always been submissive in nature, this is still true, it just so happens that I kept putting my trust in the wrong people and getting hurt for it. Master has yet to let me down. Oh he's disappointed me here and there a few times, but nothing major. (And after all, he is MASTER he has every right to change his mind).

I don't think this is a full blown issue, just a few things I need to work on. I'm not really surprised by these findings either though, I knew from the beginning that there would be some things that we discovered as we journey through this new part of our lives.

I think it's most frustrating to find that I'm not perfect. I mean, I know I'm not perfect, but boy it sure is a let down to have proof of that! Whatever the cause, it's definitely something I need to work on and fast, because my dark moods are directly related to these urges to fight for control and I am sure to get in trouble if I don't control them quickly!

Feeling the blues, hoping sex will fix that later! (Thank god it's Friday!! Session night! I could seriously use a beating!!)

--ariia

Forever Friends.... not so much

2010-11-03T19:54:00.000-05:00

I'm under orders to blog five times a week. I asked today if it has to be five days, or just five different posts. Master said five posts are fine...

I lost a good friend this past week. She and I haven't seen eye to eye in a long time and it finally came to blow the other day via Facebook of all things. We stand on opposite ends of the spectrum on just about every major issue. How our friendship survived this long, I'm still not really sure. But something in her snapped last week and she decided she couldn't handle being my friend any longer.

After several messages back and forth (god forbid either of us actually pick up the phone) she got to the heart of the issue: she doesn't approve of my relationship with Master and she hates that I am happy and in love and she is single and struggling to get by. Mix this with the fact that I've been super busy lately and she's had free time to sit around and mope and it's a fatal concoction for the friendship.

The end of her friendship with me was more painful than any of my past breakups with men. Maybe it's because we'd been friends for ten years, maybe it's because we shared so much together, maybe it's because for all my downs she was there. For all her ups I was there. The tables have turned though and I'm the one who's life is going swimmingly and she's the one now struggling to make ends meet.

I wanted to send her money not too long ago to help her get by, but Master suggested I run it by her first. He wisely knew that she would probably be insulted by my charity instead of grateful for the help. I don't think I've ever offended her so much. Looking back, I think that was the beginning of the end for us. She couldn't handle that I am doing so well, that I can help her out. Apparently the subject of money doesn't only ruin marriages.

Bleh.

I feel alone. I feel a void that Master can't seem to reach and I can feel a dark mood trying to surround me lately. I have no idea how to get over this or how to move on from this. I know I will, I have to.... but man it hurts. I feel broken and I know I could make it all better by conforming to her idea of “normal” and pretending to be whatever... but I'm not the type to change who I am for someone else. (Which is laughable because I changed a lot of who I am for Master.... but that's different in my mind, and she can't understand that)

Sorry for bumming you guys out this week, I have no where else to vent this. The nasty messages are pouring in from her friends who are “concerned for my well being” and trying to “rescue” me from Master, while simultaneously claiming that I'm not being fair and that I'm too consumed with Master to see that she needs me.

I've found that as I get older it's harder and harder to make good friends and easier to lose them.

Master and I will be meeting people in our local BDSM community this November for the first time ever. Hopefully I will be able to make new friends who aren't out to save my soul or rescue me from Master...

Broken hearted and trying to heal,

--ariia

Fucked

2010-10-30T15:57:00.000-05:00

I lay down on the bed naked. My ass facing up and my arms above my head, wrists bound together. I put my head down between the crook of my arm and waited. Master began. First he used the belt, slapping my legs, my ass and my back all over. I cried out each time. "I think it's time we got you a ball gag" he stated, just before hitting me harder on my right shoulder blade. He struck me once, twice and then three times. I jumped on the last one, couldn't help it. "Mmmmmmm delicious! Don't forget your safe word, and I want to know if you hit yellow" Master said. He was using three instruments on me. Because of my position I couldn't tell which one he would use until it hit my skin. I felt the belt first, all over my body, followed quickly by light taps of the riding crop. I was starting to sink into subspace a little when he whacked me with the shaft of the crop, hard! I jumped, which he was apparently expecting because his hand immediately pushed me back down. "Stay on the bed!" he demanded.

My pussy started dripping. My skin felt like it was on fire and then suddenly the thwacks of the riding crop started to feel lighter and lighter. At first I thought Master was actually using less pressure, but then he asked me what it felt like. "Butterfly kisses" I murmurered, sinking even deeper into sub space. I felt so light. Master laughed when I asked him why he was hitting me lighter. "Your pain tolerance just went up. I'm actually slapping harder than I was a minute ago, but if it's more you want....." He brought out my new favorite toy: a leather paddle that says SLAVE on it (backwards, so that when hit with the paddle hard enough it leaves a mark on my body that actually reads "SLAVE"). I shivered in anticipation. I felt like every sensation was multiplied by a thousand. I could feel the cool cotton of the sheets pressing against my hard nipples. I could actually feel my juices flowing a little faster out of my pussy and the liquid going down my legs a bit before hitting the bed. I felt the air from the fan as it kissed my skin. And then, while I was concentrating on other sensations, I felt the paddle come down hard on my ass.

First I tightened, but then I felt myself lift my ass into the blow. God it felt good!! It was pain and fire and pure lust all in one blow. Again he hit me with it. This time I moaned. Incredible. I am always so amazed at how my body responds to the pain. When we begin, it hurts more than it is pleasurable but just as quickly, I sink into subspace and find myself moving into the blows. I crave it. I beg for it. I go crazy without it.

By this point I was soaked... and so was the bed under me. Master started playing with my clit and fingering me as he paddled my skin. "You're so red you look sunburned" he said as he continued his onslaught. Before I could fully enjoy his fingers he was taking them away again. I must have whimpered because he told me to shut the fuck up and enjoy what he chooses to give me.... and then he promptly stuffed me with his fat cock. I wasn't even expecting it!! He trust deep inside me and hit my cervix, causing me to jump and try to get away from it and yet beg for more all in the same breath. He held me down with his strong arms and fucked me.

He lifted me up a bit so that I was on all fours and continued to pound my pussy. Just as I was starting to reach orgasm, he reached around and pinched my clit, rubbing it between two fingers and tugging on it a bit. OH MY GOD. I don't think I've ever come so hard. I actually think I could have lost consciousness from the pleasure/pain but somehow I managed to stay grounded and enjoy the rest of our session.

By the time he was finished, we both lay there, sweaty, wet, spent and panting. And all I could think of was "As soon as I get energy back... I want more!"

And more I got too! :) Master and I spent four hours that day fucking. I'm raw and tired and worn out and yet still..... I want more!

-ariia

Horny and Desperate

2010-10-26T21:09:00.000-05:00

Have you ever been so horny that you'd be willing to do just about anything to just get fucked? It's been like that with me for the past few days. The thing is though, I don't just want to get fucked, I want to be ravaged. I want Master to grab me from behind, throw me down and have his way with me. I want to be screaming no and then imediently crying out "OH GOD YES!"

The funny thing is, Master has been fucking me. He has been fucking my brains out while pulling my hair, spanking me with paddles and floggers and the like. He has been giving it to me as rough as it's ever been. And at the end of a session, when I am panting and wiping away the tears from my pleasure/pain, all I can think is "more!!"

Maybe it's because we've been looking for homes lately and the stress has gotten to me. Maybe it's because Master taking full advantage and control over me is one of the few things I can count on in life. Maybe it's just because I'm insatiable. Whatever the reason I just want him to hurt me, and fuck me, and hurt me some more.

Even thinking about it has me wet. Today Master and I were rough housing on the couch a bit. I was play testing my limits (you know, silly little things like pretending to pinch him, knowing my hand wouldn't even get the chance to brush his skin before he attacked me for even thinking of disrespecting him like that). At one point he had me in a leg lock, my hands under his thighs, my stomach facing up and my breasts heaving. Because his legs were holding both my body and my hands down he was able to take full advantage. He pinched my nipples, grabbed my neck, pulled my hair and all sorts of evil little bits of torture. Not once did he actually touch my pussy or my clit and yet I came and I came hard.

There are times where I find myself wanting for his heavy handed side so desperately that I feel like being disobedient just to get punished. I know better (trust me, that's not the type of mistake you make twice!) so I refrain, but the thought still occasionally crosses my mind. Master has ordered that I just flat out tell him when I'm that desperate and horny, and I do. But sometimes, every now and then, I kind of wish he could read my mind and just take me.

~ariia

Life Interrupted

2010-10-24T08:21:00.000-05:00

Wow what a season. So far autumn has brought me busy days and sleepless nights and a house guest who WAY over stayed his welcome and more changes than I thought were possible for a person to handle.

I apologize for being gone so long again. We had another death in the family. Master lost his Grandfather to a long battle of cancer. The funeral was held in another state so we had to make last minute plans to be out of town for a while. Due to the fact that the children are in school we asked a close family friend to come watch them for us while we went to the funeral (a two day affair). Things went well (as well as can be expected for deaths). Then we had another friend (more of a business associative of Master's) come to stay for a while.... a long while. He was originally supposed to be here for maybe a week. He stayed for seven. SEVEN long weeks. It was.... frustrating to say the least.

Our guest (let's call him Paul) was told about the nature of our relationship early on. He kept asking why I did everything I was told without complaint and begging Master to tell him the secret to “such an obedient woman”. At first I was flattered. Then I realized that this guy didn't really seem to get it. He assumed that I was stupid enough to follow any order by any man simply because I believed that's what women do. He would ask me to do things for him that went against what Master has trained me to do (or not do). Nothing sexual mind you, but things like “Change your Master's schedule around so that he works on my project for more hours than we agreed to” and shit. It angered me. It angered Master. Because Paul is a good friend of Master's and has been for years, I think Master was trying to ignore the majority of the remarks made; the poking fun at who I am in this relationship. Whatever the reason it cause major stress on Master and I.
I did my best not to act out for it, though I fully admit to failing a few times. I bit my tongue more often than not, but anyone could tell that I was on edge. I got some of the hardest punishments I've had yet for some of the things I would utter under my breath. I'd love to say I couldn't help it, that I was pushed too hard or whatever, but the honest to god truth is I was angry and I wanted it to show. I wanted it to show so badly that I didn't care if it permanently damaged the relationship Master has with Paul. I got that notion whipped out of me with a leather belt and a wooden spoon. Welts and bruises stayed on my ass for the remainder of Paul's stay. Master made certain of it. (Which is good, I deserved the punishment for my actions! I was downright sassy!)
But enough about that. (It still angers me to think of Paul sometimes, all I can think is “how dare he ask me to go against a direct order” even though he has no real clue about the nature of anything other than vanilla.)
Anyway! I notice that I got a few questions on Formspring Me while I was away, so let me get to those really quickly:

can any adults use a bi slave online that wants to be humiliated disgraced and exposed?

I'm sure there are ways of using someone online. I'm also sure the degree of use can be stretched as far as the imagination allows. After all, Master and I met online (though we were friends long before we were Master and slave, and dating long before we were even that). I can tell you though, that there is such a difference between being given an order online and being given that same order in person that it's like night and day. Online I could turn off the computer and go about a “normal” lifestyle. I could choose to obey or not obey Master and there were little consequences. Even then I could choose to follow punishment or not. In short – yes, I can see how someone would be able to ask you to do things that require you to be exposed and/or humiliated, but at the same time I would remind you of two things: a) be careful. And b) it is honestly, so much better in person.

Where can I find your new blog?

I don't have one. I've just been neglecting this one. I am under new orders to make sure that I post here 5 times a week though, and I lose computer time if I fail this task, so believe me, blogging is a new priority!! Lol.

do u have АSK.FM account? i love it, its like formspring but smth new. i would follow you there. ;)

I'm not really sure what ASK.FM is, but I will look into it! And I have no idea what “smth” means. I'll look into Ask.fm after I post this and then let you all know if I signed up in the next blog post.

Whew. For now though, I fear I may have lost some of you with the boring blah's of normal life among the BDSM sides of me. I will post again tomorrow (the plan is to post Monday through Friday so that if I accidentally skip a day I can make up for it Saturday or Sunday)
In the mean time I should really catch up on your blogs, check out my new readers and browse FetLife (who is charging now?!) for events near Master and I. We are stepping out into the BDSM world here and it's every bit of nerve-racking and erotically exciting!

Thanks again for continuing to follow me even though I've been a bad blogger as of late!!
~ariia

hey, Ariia. I noticed that you have literotica as one of your link suggestions. could you link one or two of your favourite stories?

2010-08-29T01:48:00.001-05:00

Sure. It's actually pretty hard for me to FIND a favorite on there. Some of them are so cheesy. But since the local library doesn't have a damn thing on BDSM (god forbid we read about sex in any other term than missionary style! lol) I have had to turn to the net for my dirty novel enjoyment.

One of my biggest problems with Literotica though is the endings to the stories. They normally SUCK. It's almost as though the authors have these AMAZING ideas (the kind that get me wet in seconds and keep me that way through the majority of the story) and they can pull it off without seeming cheesy (for the most part) but they lose their steam and (possibly) just get sick of the story (or aren't sure HOW to end it) so they cut it off in 4 sentences or less. This leaves the average reader going "HEY! Wait a minute!!! What about _____"

But the three I have bookmarked are as follows:
1) Eleven Days (my absolute favorite so far)
2) Extra Credit
3) Her

Eleven days was the most creative, best one I have come across thus far. It completely blew everyone else out of the water. The only downside was the ending. I want more. I bookmarked the author hoping for more, but nothing else he's written has come close to this story (in my humble opinion). When (if) I get more time, I might just write my own damn stories. Lol.

Thanks for asking!!
~ariia

Ask me anything...

Trashy Romance Novels

2010-08-29T00:24:00.000-05:00

hey, Ariia. I noticed that you have literotica as one of your link suggestions. could you link one or two of your favourite stories?

A job well done...

2010-08-21T10:46:00.000-05:00

It has been 3 days. I've received nightly spankings. I've been grounded from Facebook. I've gotten around 15 car insurance quotes. Two of which I got in person (by walking to the insurance companies) the rest I got online. I had just about given up hope of being able to afford insurance on my own for at least another month or so (they all asked for about $800 up front, something about me having a few speeding tickets from the past and shit) until I finally gave in and got quotes from the big guys. You know, the ones you see commercials for all the time: Progressive, Geiko and Allstate.

To make a very long story short, only one of the big companies gave me something decent that I could afford. I almost cried to the insurance guy when he said that not only did they not require this HUGE upfront payment, but I was more than welcome to make monthly payments instead of paying for 6 months outright.

I almost danced the whole way home. I know I skipped a good bit of the way! I was so pleased with my finding a good insurance company who wasn't out to take me for every penny I had that I knew, I just KNEW Master would be pleased with me as well.

We celebrated the money I would be saving with a good long fucking. He kept whispering in my ear about what a good little slave I was today, ordering me to come for him over and over and over again until I didn't think I had anymore to give. He told me he absolutely hated denying me orgasm, that it felt as though punishing me was punishing him as well because one of the things he loves most is watching me wither beneath him.

"Mmmmmm yes slave, I love watching your breasts bounce in pleasure as you cry out. I love knowing that I can make you scream from the pure ecstasy I give you, as well as from the occasional pain I put you through" he said at one point, right before bring the rubber whip out and slapping my tits with it. "Come for me!" he demanded. I don't think I have ever come so many times in one session. By the time we were done hours had passed and I could barely stand up.

I have been forgiven. I can not tell you what a relief it is to not only know that I have fixed the problem I caused, but that I am on a better insurance plan AND that I have pleased Master. I live and breathe to please him. And now I can sleep peacefully knowing that at least for today, I have done a good job of that!

--ariia

A stupid mistake...

2010-08-19T14:40:00.000-05:00

I completely and totally forgot to renew my car insurance. It wasn't until after I got pulled for speeding that I figured this out. The cop that pulled me over was graciously merciful. He realized it had JUST expired (as of yesterday) and let me off the hook for both the ticket AND the insurance, but warned me to take care of this ASAP. The catch though was that I couldn't drive my car (obviously) so I had to call Master and ask if he could pick me up and have my car towed to the house....

Needless to say, Master was furious. Grateful to the cop for not holding it against me, thankful that I got pulled by someone who obviously appreciated the view (thank the gods for lowcut tops and short skirts!) but still..... I was the one responsible here. I am the one who will pay.

When we finally got home Master told me to go to the room and wait kneeling on the floor. Naked. Two hours later he came in. Ordered me to get up and face the wall. I turned, put my palms on the wall and braced myself for whatever punishment he gave.

THWACK! "one" I called after the belt (was it a belt? Felt leather like) slapped my ass. THWACK! "two" I said, gritting my teeth in pain... this continued through fifty. I had to repeat a few because I didn't call out the number fast enough. I'm not sure how many spankings I actually got. My ass was burning by the time he was done though. Master walked closer to me and spun me around, his hand instantly around my throat, anger flashing in his eyes. "I do not enjoy these kinds of punishments." His voice was quieter, almost a whisper, and I shook with shame and disappointment. I had let him down and I knew it.

"I am not made of money, slave. You seem to think you can do whatever you wish, drive however fast you choose. Is this how the things I have graciously allowed you to use are going to be handled when in your care?"

"No, Sir." I whispered. SLAP! My face stung. My jaw dropped, I immediently tried to close it before he noticed. Too late. SLAP! "Answer me properly, slave, I am annoyed enough at the moment, do not piss me off further!"
"Yes, Master" I replied, trying not to bite my lower lip.

He tied me to the bed. All four posts. I lay there spread eagle, wearing nothing but the cotton sheet he placed over me wondering what was next. "I'm too angry to continue punishing you, slave. Stay here until I decide to finish what I've started" and with that he left the room.

Two hours passed. I cried, I listened as hard as I could for any noises in the house. I waited. It sounded like he had ordered pizza, then the scents of food wafted to the bedroom. I didn't realize how hungry I was until that moment. The children had long since gone to bed (long before any punishments were carried out) though I heard one of them get up and use the bathroom at some point. She asked where Mommy was and Master told her I had already gone to bed. Another hour passed. At this point it was all I could do to not fall asleep!

Finally Master returned and sat by me on the bed, wrapping his hand around my throat again. His grip tightened. "I thought I told you this was your responsibility" he said through gritted teeth. I would have responded if I had air to breathe. Part of me was scared of his wrath, the other part of me was (as usual) wet from his control over me and how violently he was currently showing it.
I must have started to crack a smile (a defense mechanism when I'm in trouble or caught doing something I know I shouldn't be) because he glared at me and shook me a little. "this is not a laughing matter!" he hissed. "Do you know how much trouble you could have been in here?! Thankfully that cop was kind enough to let you go with a warning, I however will not!" The words were spit out at me.

He untied my legs, then my arms, then turned me over for another 50 spankings. He let go of me and demanded I get on my knees and kneel before him, which I quickly did, head bowed, awaiting my next orders. I am not allowed to use my phone, except for emergencies or to contact Master. I am not permitted to use Facebook for the rest of the week. I am to pay for this out of my own pocket with whatever I earn from my job, plus interest since Master has to pay for this upfront (I'm paying him back). And I will get 20 spankings with the belt each night until the debt is paid. (About a week or two of nightly spankings, depends on how big my next check is)

After the last of the spankings he fucked my pussy hard. He played around with my ass (something I'm still training for here...) and told me that if I had been a good girl today, he had planned to fuck my ass. I don't deserve it right now though, so I'll have to wait for another time. I was not permitted to cum. (Not that I expected to be allowed that privilege). When Master finished he got up, bid me goodnight and left the room. I knew he would be working all night again. I cried myself to sleep.

This morning when I awoke he gave me a hug and a kiss, told me he loved me and forgave me but that the punishment still stands. No facebook, no phone, nightly spankings until the debt is paid and I am to write this blog when I got home from work.

I'll let you know how it goes... and if I fuck up between now and then.

--ariia

Whip it!

2010-08-15T15:47:00.000-05:00

Master and I have been discussing toys. Not just any kind of toy mind you, but sex toys at that! We've discussed which kinds we'd each like to invest in, researched the ones that piqued our interest, even bookmarked a few sites that sold some, but we hadn't actually made a point in getting any (aside from the clothes pins I bought to hang laundry and never made it out of our bedroom.... lol) We've used random household objects (wooden spoons, belts, ropes we got at Lowe's, to name a few) but for whatever reason (laziness?) we just never bought anything specifically for sex. Other than lube. Lol.

All that changed when I got an email a few weeks ago. The Adult Toy Shoppe contacted me and asked if I would be interested in testing and reviewing a few things from them. I've gotten a few of these emails from other such places but when I investigated I found them to either be useless spam, or low quality items I wouldn't suggest to an enemy let alone suggest to my Master.

Master especially liked the Fantasy whip in red (his favorite color) which happens to be the item we got first. I'm not sure what exactly I though being whipped with this would be like, maybe I envisioned something slightly more painful than the leather belt Master has used on me numerous times, whatever I thought it would be like though was nothing in comparison to actually having it used on me. There have been times where it whipped around and slapped my side when aimed at my back (extremely painful to me because I expect it on my back, I do not expect it to take on a mind of its own and slap my belly in the process) and times where the little strings manage to get tangled in my hair, or easily caught by my hand as it comes down at me (just a side note, this is NOT a good idea, while it doesn't hurt to catch by the rubber strings when it's mid swing, the result of Master not being pleased by my attempt to prevent it from stinging my body DID hurt. It was a lot of fun at the same time though)
I like this toy. Master's patience and ability to control it has a lot to do with how much I like it though. It could easily be used to throw me into the red zone (full out tears and pain) if used improperly. I would also suggest this to friends. The best thing about this toy for me though? It encourages both Master and I to buy MORE. And we've even started a budget set aside specifically for sex toys. I'm so excited at the mere thought of this that I'm dripping ;)
Wet with anticipation,
--ariia

FormSpring Me #8

2010-07-28T12:13:00.000-05:00

I'm just 18 but desperate to serve, what should I do?

I have been pondering what to tell you here for a while now. You asked me this question about a month ago and I've gone over it and over it trying to figure out what exactly I can say that would both encourage you and help you in your path. The thing is, while I can see submissive tendencies that I've always had now, I had no idea I would not only enjoy being submissive, but that I would crave it desperately until years later.

The only thing I can really tell you is to do research. Not just on what exactly it means to serve but on what you want out of that kind of a relationship. Some girls are pain sluts, others are 1950's versions of kinky, still others think serving is just sex whenever he wants it. I'm sure you have your own definition of what it means to serve someone and what you're looking for in a Dom, but it never hurts to keep looking, keep researching.

With each relationship you step into make sure there are clear guidelines. Write out the contract between you and your Dom (if you're seeking for one). Remember that trust and communication are key in any relationship, especially D/s and M/s relationships!

Also, expect your desires and needs to change. Time has a way of doing that. Even if you think you'll never change, you do. (Geeze now I sound like a bad PSA) My point is that you're 18. You don't need to settle down and find "the one" just yet. Have fun, figure out who you are and what exactly it is you're looking for and date accordingly. Make sure YOU know where you draw the line and make it clear to anyone you choose to submit to. It won't start out as M/s (or at least in my opinion it shouldn't immediately start out as M/s) right off the bat. That's something that will take time to find.

As I said at the beginning of this post, it took me years to realize I was even submissive, let alone admit it! I thought Dominance was what I was geared for... I pushed and shoved and fought back whenever ANYONE tried to dominate me in any fashion.... and yet years later, here I am, 24/7 slave. Funny how things turn out.

And because I am a mother myself I have to add "Please just be careful."

But also, have fun. And when relationships end, walk away from it thinking about what this relationship taught you and how you're going to apply that to the next one.

Hope that helps a bit,
-ariia

Totally Undeserving

2010-07-27T22:23:00.000-05:00

I am quickly learning that the toughest lesson on being a slave is that I don't deserve anything. I am an owned slave, which means if I get anything at all it is because my Master has decided to allow it! (This includes everything from supper to orgasms, to sleeping in a bed... etc)

As a woman who has worked her way up the corporate ladder and gone through quite a lot in her life, I have come to believe I have earned certain rights. The thing is though, in my relationship with Master, I have relinquished all rights. Earned or otherwise.

I know this in my head, I have contracted this out on paper, but day in and day out I still have trouble remembering that I deserve nothing. There are days where I get sassy with Master or mumble under my breath (much like I did when I was a teenager). Days where I am told "no" and I pout or laugh as though his response can be changed. Master is quick to remind me of my place and it's something I'm trying to stop doing but I wonder if at times I secretly enjoy being bratty. I can't believe I just typed that without backspacing and deleting it forever.... but I'm anonymous here so I shouldn't have to feel like I'm hiding anything other than my true identity... anyway...

I've found that I tend to be extra bratty (on purpose) when I'm craving Master's hand. When I desire to be slapped or spanked, I tend to act out just to get that kind of attention. It's something he and I have had to sit down and talk about several times now. He's working at "rewarding" me with the "punishments" I enjoy (slaps, spanks, rough play, etc) and finding better punishments for when I am actually bad and in need of correction. For example, earlier today we were joking around and I sassed him, he playfully slapped my ass and told me that if I kept sassing him I'd get more spankings. I paused and then told him that I enjoy spankings, that personally I don't think spankings should be real punishment since I do so enjoy them. Things like nipple clamps (currently known as clothes pins and paper clips) are perfect for punishments since I hate them so much. (They hurt, we've just started playing with them as of last week but OMG they HURT!!!!)

It lead to a long and very much needed conversation about our roles in this relationship and how desperately I need to feel owned and be reminded of my status often. Master has a rule that I am always free to express my opinions and desires with him, however to help remind me that he is Master and I am slave, I must do so on my knees, kneeling before him. There is something deliciously wicked about bowing before my Master and making a request at the same time. It reminds me a bit of Esther in the bible asking the king for a favor knowing full well that he could kill her for entering his presence without his permission. (On a side note, yes I'm an Atheist who knows her bible.)

Ack, I got distracted from the main point of this post again....

Anyways! I'm trying to be more graceful and obedient. I really do want to please Master. I know there is a learning curve here from normal citizen to owned slave. I'm glad that Master is patient with me but doesn't allow me to get away with much either. I need that. I need him to be stern and strict and yet loving and gentle. I don't know how the hell he does it but he is more patient than most people I know (my own Mother being the only person I can think of who has even more patience than Master). Someone once said that being in a M/s relationship is a bit like finding your own personal Jesus and worshiping them, bowing at their feet and such. I laugh when I think of that, but at the same time I can totally understand the meaning behind that point of view. And that is the attitude I am aiming for. If Master was indeed my own personal Jesus, how would I act around him, respond to his orders, or what would I do/say when in his presence.

I have a lot to learn and while I've come a long way in a very short amount of time, but I still have a ways to go... as a perfectionist, knowing that I still have so far to go kills me. But then, life wouldn't be as interesting if there wasn't a learning curve to things!

--ariia

Distractions and Exhaustion

2010-07-25T10:04:00.000-05:00

I know, I know, I dropped out of the blogging world without a trace and it has been forever since I blogged (let alone commented on a blog). I'm here, I'm safe, I'm in good health, I'm just SUPER FUCKING BUSY. So much so that Master and I have barely had more than an hour or two to ourselves each day. It has royally sucked (not the sex mind you, but I've had about as much vanilla sex as I can handle, I miss our sessions, I miss having hours on end to play as we please and I thoroughly miss being bound, tied, gagged and whipped into oblivion)

Why am I so busy? Well to make a very long story short I got a crappy job that uses up every moment of my day 6 days out of the week and leaves me with no energy at the end of the day, let alone at the end of the week. I absolutely hate my job. I HATE IT. I am looking for a better job that requires less of my time and doesn't make me cry before going to work day in and day out. The problem is that I need this job to help pay the bills and we just can't afford for me to quit and wait around for the perfect job to fall into my lap.

Being the good little slave that I am I endure the bullshit and tears my job gives me and obediently go to work every fucking day even though all I want to do is QUIT! Ugh. End vent on the job thing...

The main reason Master and I have not been able to have more M/s sex is because of our energy levels at the end of the day. Don't get me wrong, our version of vanilla is far from basic, regular, missionary style sex, but it's also not a session either.

I miss sessions. I know they are only on hold for the time being because we have just moved (and god the move drained us emotionally, financially and whatever other way there is to drain a person) We're still 80% unorganized and trying to figure out where things should go...but I digress. I miss being slapped more and whipped and tied up and teased and... oh I could go on and on!!

The only silver lining here is that WHEN we get back to that, WHEN we have energy again to play for hours on end, it will certainly help keep the spark alive here (not that it's dying out, it's just nice to know that this is how we keep it interesting in our relationship)

I should point out that even though we aren't having M/s sex as often that doesn't belittle my position as slave, nor does it diminish his position as Master. I still have rules to follow, I still get punished when I get bratty, I still call Master "Sir" or "Master" and he still refers to me as slave. We've actually become fairly inventive with how we refer to each other when around family and we "joke" about how I do whatever he tells me to because he owns me.

I'll have to blog more about that later though. Right now my tummy is growling which means lunch needs to be made. In the mean time though I am still here, just not as often as I wish I was. I will still comment on your blogs and read through what I have missed (yes I love you guys THAT MUCH that I'm willing to read through ALL the blogs I have missed thus far!!) It is nice to have some routine things (like blogging) finally coming back into the schedule.

-a very tired ariia

Wake Up Sex!!

2010-06-23T15:57:00.000-05:00

I was fast asleep. Master was working on something for something (I was too tired to even really follow his explanation of what he was researching) and I was just zonked. He gave me the order to go to bed. I showered first, as always, and then made my way to the dark bedroom in desperate need of sleep. I glanced at the clock on the dresser and winced when I realized it was way past 2am. I had no idea when or if Master would be joining me that evening but it was hot as hell in the room (even with the air and fans on) so I slept in nothing and used no blankets, just a thin sheet. (Normally I sleep in a thong and a t-shirt, just in case the kids need me at night, though lately I've been just sleeping in a thong. In winter I'm permitted to sleep in whatever keeps me warm - Master knows the winters here will be like nothing I've ever endured!)

I woke up to his whispering in my ear. I could barely make out what he was saying. The fog of deep sleep kept a tight grip on my mind but there was something happening around my legs. I tried to wake up and figure out what was going on, listen to what he was saying, respond appropriately... before I could even open my eyes I felt the ropes tighten and the words "handcuff knot" came through my sleepy head clear as a church bell on Sunday morning. Shivers of excitement burst through my body while my mind raced to wake up every inch of me it could.

SMACK!! My eyes flew open as his hand came down on my bare ass. "I asked you a question, slave! When are you permitted to cum?" he hissed. I knew I was still not thinking clearly but I also trusted my mind to answer for me without having to think it through, my training was going well so far. "When you command me to, Sir" I half whispered.

His fingers slipped into my pussy and danced along my vaginal walls, getting nice and wet before slipping back out to fondle my clit. "Very good, slave. Why would I permit you to cum?" he asked as he toyed with me, watching my body whither under his, watching as I realized my wrists and feet were bound. Lust, passion and excitement mingled across his face as he watched me realize that other than jerking around under him, any movement on my part would be next to impossible without his help.

My mind fumbled as I tried to grasp onto everything happening around me. My hands were bound above my head but pulled behind my back, my ankles were also bound and my legs bent at the knees behind me as well. I gasped as I realized my ankles and wrists were connected by the same rope that bound them.

THWAK!! Another smack came down, this time with the leather strap. Once across my ass, once across my back and once on my thighs before I could remember the question and call out the answer "because you desire me to cum, Master!" I cried out, part wishing that I had gotten the answer wrong, part hoping for more slaps and spanks, I do enjoy those so much after all!!

"VERY GOOD, Slave!!" he said as he laughed, almost as though even he had expected me to get it wrong. He yanked my hair back with one hand and slammed his fingers into my pussy yet again. He quickly began finger fucking me. I was so close to orgasm. I remember him ordering me, commanding me, training me constantly as he brought me closer and closer: "You want to cum, slave. That is not a question, that's an order! You desire to cum for your Master! But you won't! Not until I give you permission, will you? Hold yourself there, right there, on the edge!! Do NOT cum until I command you!!" His voice got deeper and his fingers faster as he continued. I remember crying out my "yes, Sir" answers, desperate to obey, knowing that he would deny me any orgasms if I disobeyed.

I was fully awake now and ready to beg for permission to cum when he suddenly removed his fingers from inside my soaking wet pussy and almost immediently replaced them with his hard cock. He gave me permission to cum again and again and again. We changed positions a number of times and I lost count of how many orgasms he commanded me to have, I just know I thoroughly enjoyed every second I was getting.

When he was done fucking me he pulled out of me and then shoved his cock in my mouth, I drank his cum greedily and swallowed the gift he gave me. He fell onto me and we just laid there basking in the heat of our passion for a few minutes before he untied me and helped me to the shower.

The funny part here is that while in the shower I mentioned that I loved the session and the only complaint I would give was that it wasn't long enough (he always asks what I would change at the end of sessions, he chooses if he will implement those changes but it's nice to know he wants my opinion just the same!) He laughed at me and asked if I had any idea of when he first slipped the ropes around my ankles. Apparently from the time he restrained me to the time we got in the shower three full hours had passed!! It amazes me that I could honestly fuck and be fucked by Master all day long and know that I would enjoy every second of it!!!

This was how I woke up this morning!! What a lucky, lucky slave am I!

Pouting and Punishments

2010-06-19T08:00:00.000-05:00

I stormed off to our room and attempted to slam the door. I'm not exactly sure why I was so upset, there were so many reasons floating in my head. I don't even know what exactly I wanted from him I just hurt and couldn't voice it yet so I ran. I ran to hide my pain, I ran to avoid his questions of "what's wrong" and that look he gets in his eyes when he's concerned for me. I just ran.

The door didn't slam though. I turned around, angrier now that something else hadn't gone my way and gasped when I realized Master had followed me into the room. He didn't have a concerned look on his face. He was angry. He was tired of my pouty shit and he had finally gotten good and mad at me. I don't know if this is what I was going for or if this was what my heart realized it wanted, but I wanted his wrath. I wanted his punishment. Maybe in some weird way I just wanted to know that I could really mess up and he would still want me. Whatever it was I knew I was in the wrong here. I knew that I had been topping from the bottom. The problem was, when I realized this, I didn't know how exactly to stop!

I tried to take a few steps back from Master, he was so close I had to look way up just to make eye contact. I managed to get one step back before his hand was grasped around my throat, his eyes menacing and glaring at me.
"I have just about had it with this pouty shit you keep giving me" he practically growled. I couldn't reply, his grip was too tight for me to think, let alone reply. I was able to breath but any more pressure and that would be taken from me as well. "When I ask you what's wrong, I expect a real answer. I expect the truth. I do not want to hear you reply that nothing is wrong ever again. Don't you dare try to get away with that again."

With every emphasized word he shook me a little, as though to force it into my thick skull. A way to ensure he wouldn't have to repeat himself. "Do you think, slave, that I do not know when something is bugging you? Do you think that I expect you to tell me 'nothing' even when I know better?" I wasn't sure he wanted an answer and my facial expression must have relayed my confusion for he shook me again but loosened his grip as he snapped out "Answer me, slave!"
I opened my eyes and looked at him for a brief moment as I answered "No, Master" and then felt my eyes slide shut again.

Somewhere inside of me I was secretly enjoying this, a smile managed to escape and cross my lips a bit. I opened my eyes quickly, knowing that my body language had once again betrayed me. Master was smiling back at me, in a way that only entertained evil can. I loved it. He knew it.

His grip tightened and his other hand grabbed my hair and yanked my head back even further. "I'm sure you've been doing this on purpose. I read your blog, I know what goes on in your head, but even better, I know how to read you." His hand let go of my neck and slid down my torso to my belly and then down my jeans until a finger rested on my clit. I caught my breath. "I know exactly what you want, but that doesn't always mean that I have time to provide it. I know exactly how to read you" and with that he inserted his finger deep into my pussy, "but I might not always give you what it is you're looking for". His finger played with my g-spot, he listened to me gasp and felt me moving against him, desperate for more. He stopped just as I began to show signs of orgasm and pulled my hair even tighter. "I am your Master and you are my slave. You will bend to my will when I ask you to, I will not bend to yours. If you try to manipulate me again you will be flogged, you will be ignored and you will not sleep in my bed for at least a week. Do you understand this, slave?" his hand was around my throat again, the other hand still tangled in my hair "Yes, Master" I couldn't help but smile as I replied. The idea of being flogged turns me on, but then I caught the second part of his threat, neglect. I hate it when he ignores me. It is quite possibly the single worst punishment he has ever given me. And that is not something I am willing to risk!! I NEED his attention, his dominance, his rules, his punishments at times. I hate his neglect, though I fully admit there are times I deserve that too.

All of this was going through my mind when I suddenly realized he had released me from his grasp, both neck and hair. I opened my eyes again to see what was going on. He was gone. Gone from our room, gone from my presence. I panicked for half a minute before running out of the room to find him, to see what I could do for him. I found him in the bathroom, getting ready for a shower. "Fetch me a towel, I am going to take a shower. You will be joining me, you don't need a towel" he said.

He fucked me 4 times before the water ran cold. He denied my orgasm three of those times. I was sure he was going to deny me again when suddenly I heard the command to cum and I immediately obeyed. When he was finished with me he got out, toweled off and went to bed, but not before giving me one last order. "Drip dry. You may not come to bed until your hair is no longer wet, you may not use the towel or the hair dryer. This is how slaves who pout will be treated. Like dogs left in the rain." and with that he was gone again. I cried for about half an hour. Silently of course. But tears just the same. But you better believe I'll remember that punishment. And you better believe I'll be working on the pouting thing (I know myself too well to say I've learned this lesson, I haven't yet, I'm pretty damn stubborn, but then, that's what training is for....)

By the time my hair was dry (about an hour?) Master was sleeping. I smiled in spite of my punishment. I've always been submissive, but I have a definite dominate streak that runs through my personality. I've always wanted someone to call me out when I try to pull that sort of shit. I've ALWAYS wanted to be corrected and overpowered and ordered to obey.... after YEARS of searching for someone who isn't willing to put up with everything I give, I think I've finally found someone who has the patience, the time and the desire to bend me to his will.

Is it wrong that I find satisfaction in punishments?

--ariia

The Learning Curve

2010-06-18T18:57:00.000-05:00

Bleh. There are days like today where I feel like I can do nothing right. Well that's not entirely true. More like, I feel like I'm doing everything right and then I mess up somewhere and the whole day goes down hill.

It's the whole learning curve thing, I'm sure. There's so much to learn!! It's so different from a normal relationship for me too, which is fine, I really enjoy being Master's slave, but OMG there are days I just want to kick something. (Don't worry, I won't actually kick anything)

Take last night for example: Master randomly said he was going to a business meeting with a few colleges and that he'd be back around midnight and when he did return he was going to be working until very early the next morning. I was welcome to go to bed whenever I chose or I could wait up for him. And then he left. Which is all well and good, he can do as he pleases, but I had spent an hour and a half preparing dinner for us. I made a special romantic meal because I wanted him to know how grateful I was for everything he's done for me lately. The business meeting was obviously going to be held at a restaurant somewhere and therefore Master would not be eating with me that night.

I know that the meeting was thrown together last minute, I know that Master has the right to do as he pleases no matter how it may affect me, that wasn't really even an issue. (Though I won't lie, it did sting a bit and I had to fight feelings of being tossed to the side for a moment)

I waited up for Master. I made myself chicken noodle soup, put the dinner I had carefully prepared away for the next night and forced myself to be cheerful and find productive things to do while I waited for his return. When he got home he was happy to see that I had waited, then promptly sent me to bed. Ugh.

I hate to admit that I quite literally pouted until I fell asleep. I'm surprised I didn't get whipped for it. I'm wondering if Master is being easy on me. If he is, I'm not sure I like it. I think I'd honestly prefer to have strict but clear guidelines than anything. Mostly because that's how I parent. I always enjoyed the teachers who seemed like a real hardass at the beginning of the school year and then as you got to know them you really enjoyed (and learned!) in their classes. That's the approach I take to parenting, I guess it's the approach I expected with Master; but then that's my problem isn't it? I expected it.

I am Master's slave. Not the other way around. He's not mine to control and order around. I am his. He's not under my wing and thumb, I am under his.
And that is where the trepidation and frustration lies. I keep expecting things to go this way and then getting frustrated when they go another direction.

I'll get this down, I know I will, but the learning curve in the mean time might drive me up a wall. I can say on the positive side I am learning to trust and obey Master first. He sent me on a walk to the store earlier and the only store I knew of in this area was about 8 miles away from our apartment. Master had asked me to walk to the store to get milk, I contemplated driving anyway for about two hours (I figure I'll be fully honest here, I have nothing to lose with honesty lol). I almost did drive, but I feared Master's disapproval and punishment more than I feared the walk itself. Sure enough Master knows best. There was a store that I hadn't noticed before (and probably wouldn't have noticed if not asked to walk there) that was maybe .5 miles from the house. And I had obeyed him fully. So I know I am learning, it's just the process as a whole that overwhelms me from time to time. Oh if only it were easy, but then, easy ways out tend to be forgettable and not worth it in the long run.

Any advice from slaves who have been in this for a while and have tips for adjusting would help!! (I hope)

In the meantime, Master just gave me a new assignment so I need to get going

Thanks for reading!
-ariia

FormSpring Me #7

2010-06-14T02:05:00.000-05:00

Hi ariia, when you first realized you were a submissive, what did you do?

Hmmm well I've stated before that Master and I were already acting out the roles of an M/s relationship before we even knew what M/s was. We just naturally filled them. An example of this was when he would ask me to show him pictures of things I liked. "Find me some porn that turns you on and link me to it" was one way he likes to put it. (He still does this from time to time).

I had already found sexandsubmission.com and realized just how wet those pictures and video clips made me. I'd already bookmarked a few that I particularly enjoyed. His order forced me to branch out a bit. I knew the normal vanilla sex bored the hell out of me. I knew that I had these insane fantasies of being forced to do things, held against my will, beaten with leather strips and all sorts of other devious things, but I didn't know it was normal. Let alone that there was an entire community full of others that enjoyed the same fantasies I did.

I research everything anyway, so I started researching different kinds of porn. When I figured out what a submissive was and what that meant to me.... I don't know exactly. It just fit me so perfectly. I was thirsty for more knowledge on the subject. I couldn't help but read everything I could get my hands on about it. The more I read the more I knew that this was who I was.

I shared my findings with Master and the rest is pretty much history (and I've blogged it out on here before. :)

Thanks for asking!
--ariia

Our First Session

2010-06-13T02:05:00.000-05:00

It occurs to me that I have yet to tell any of you about my very first session with Master. It was not only our first session together, but before this neither of us had even participated in an M/s or BDSM session of any sort, which is why the memory of it is so special to me. It was a first for both of us. I've been going over how I would write this both in my head and discussing it with Master. The best way that I can do it is straight from memory, which means I'll be writing this to Master. I know how he felt and what he was thinking only because he filled me in after the session as we lay there bathing in the aftermath of our lusts.
*********************************

You knew something was on my mind when we were walking home because I was so quiet. You had asked me twice if anything was wrong and knew I was being honest when I replied with "No, Sir" each time, but something was obviously on my mind. We got home and I sighed and it confirmed what you already suspected: sex was on my mind. But you waited. You waited to see how badly I wanted it, if I would ask for it, or if I would try to tempt you in my womanly way.

Sure enough it didn't take long for me to 'casually' take off my shirt and bra. I waited to see if I got a response from you. I didn't think you'd even noticed. Later you told me you had. Long side glances at my breasts as I bounced around the kitchen, my nipples hardening as the air hit them. It wasn't enough for me though, I needed you, desired you, in a way I could barely put into words, so I used my body language to beg you for it. I stripped out of my pants, now only wearing the lacy pink thong you bought me from Victoria Secret. Pink is my favorite color and you know I feel my sexiest when I'm wearing these panties.

"You know, Sir, some of the slaves on the blogs I read are ordered to stay naked when alone with their Masters." I try to say as nonchalantly as I can muster. You see right through me. You smirk as you reply. "Is that so, slave?"
I bite my bottom lip, a sure sign that there is more to my statement but that I'm either nervous about asking for it, or unsure of how to word it. I watch you as you play with the new gadget you got from Lowes trying to read your emotions before I respond. I can't read the expression on your face, you're so good at hiding what you're thinking. I love that about you. I love that you read me like a book and yet you know exactly how to prevent me from reading you as easily.

"Do you want something, slave?" You ask deviously as you get up from your crouched position near the tool box and walk over to me. You hand is around my neck before I can blink, let alone respond. My eyes close, as they always do when your hand goes around my neck, I tilt back to give you more access to me and my breath catches in my throat. "Yes, Master." I whisper. "I desire a session." I open my eyes to see how you respond to this and am pleased to read understanding in your eyes. I've asked you for a session before but nothing had come of it.

"Mmmm, I think it's about time I give you one, too" You tell me and you tighten your grip around my neck using it to shove me backwards into the bedroom. Suddenly every muscle in your body has tensed, you're holding yourself differently and I sense it immediately. It turns me on and I know that whatever is about to take place has already been gone over time and time again in your mind. You've probably researched it, fantasized about it and come up with every conceivable outcome to whatever you have planned for me. Something you do with everything, sexual or not. A trait of yours that makes me proud to call you Master.

You shove me onto the bed and before I can flip over to face you, your hand is on my back and a rope is quickly being tied around my wrists. I have no idea where the rope came from but I'm thrilled that you have it! This proves my suspicion that you have thought this through!! Your mouth is on my neck as you tighten the ropes and pull the string to force me down on my elbows and knees. You bite and growl in my ear, a noise I haven't heard you make before, but one that sends shivers of lust and pleasure down my body. "You know the codes, if you hit yellow I want to know it, if you hit red you need to call it out immediately" you hiss just before your teeth find my tender skin again. "Yes, Master!" I can barely think straight at the moment, sensations of the rope on my wrists, your teeth sinking into my neck and your hand that has yet again grasped me by the neck are already taking over my thought process.

The next thing I know everything has stopped, I'm still on my belly raised up on my elbows but my legs are under you and you're straddling me from behind. THWACK! I'm not sure if I heard it or felt it first but the sharp sting of leather crosses my ass and I gasp and smile and respond by offering you my ass again. THWACK! The belt comes down harder and I know you're testing my limits. I tell you I'm still green, hoping you continue, realizing I am enjoying this more than I suspected I would. You switch between your hand and the belt but you hit the same spot on my ass each time. At some point I feel you pull back to smack me again and I cringe and flinch but I'm grinning from ear to ear as I do so. "Oh god, that's almost as delicious as hitting you!" You tell me and you pull back again, laughing when I respond the same way, cringing and smiling, anticipating the hit. You lean down for a moment, using your weight to plaster me to the bed "Mmmmm, this is really turning me on, especially when you cringe like that. I enjoy this more than I thought I would!" You whisper in my ear. I laugh and call you a sadist. You grip my neck again, this time from the back, concentrating on my pressure points and the leather strip comes down hard across my back. Each time I gasp or cry out; each time a smile and a small laugh comes out of me as I realize just how much I am enjoying this!! Your hand goes between my leg and you realize I'm not only wet, I'm dripping down my thighs! And I'm laying horizontally. It pleases you to know I respond this way. The ropes tighten again as you pull the string forcing me to lay flat, arms raised above my head, body heaving and praying for more.

You attack my legs, my back, my ass; each time with more vigor. Each time you listen to my response knowing at this point exactly what each gasp means. You read me so well, Sir. I have no idea how much time as passed at this point, all I know is that I want more and I want you! I manage to raise myself up to my knees and elbows just as the belt comes down across them. I push my ass closer to you and almost come when you push your fingers into my pussy. "Is this what you want?" you ask me as you find my g-spot and promptly use it to bring me to the very brink of orgasm. "Permission to cum, Sir!" I cry out in pure desperation. "Denied"
I don't have to see your face to know that you're smiling at me as you deny me the pleasure of orgasm. I bite my lower lip desperate to obey your orders and yet just as desperate for release. Suddenly you're bending over me, fingers still working my pussy as you reach around for my breasts. I'm thinking you just want to hold them, but the pinch of something on my nipple forces my eyes open, my breath to catch and I cry out. I almost cum again from the mixture of pain and pleasure. I look down to see a clothespin tightly secured on my right nipple, a second being secured on my left. I cry out again, begging you to let me cum. You hesitate, teasing me with the silence and forcing me to sit on the brink of orgasm as I wait for you to give me your order. Suddenly your cock is in me and your mouth is by my ear "Cum for me, slut" you whisper, but I barely hear you as I scream out in pleasure....
*********************************

This is pretty much how it went for the next two hours. We only paused briefly when I heard a stick break outside our window. Apparently my cries in orgasm have made the neighbors a bit too curious. We never saw anyone but I'm sure someone was listening, probably watching. I'm not sure if I'm excited by that thought or frightened by it. A little of both I guess. Either way, this was a little from our first session and as you can hopefully tell, it was amazing.

-ariia

FormSpring Me #6

2010-06-12T00:25:00.000-05:00

Could you describe what you look like in a basic way? As in hair colour, weight, breast size, ect? I'm a naturally submissive girl who's bisexual and reading your blog has made me so curious as to what you look like!
Love A - x

Sure! Thanks for asking, I never would have thought about doing that, otherwise. (I tend to be fairly scatterbrained)

I'm 5'3, dark haired (somewhere between light brown and medium brown) and I tend to keep my hair short (not pixie like, but more of an almost bob cut just below my ears but above my jaw line). I have green eyes, lightly tanned skin (in the summer I tan deeply but I look fairly tan, naturally, all year round) an oval shaped face but with semi-high cheek bones and full pouty lips (though not freakishly so, like Angelina Jolee.)

I am currently 140 pounds, my breasts are full and firm (thanks to 8 zillion pushups) at a solid 34C cup (though some brands claim I'm a D cup - which I love) and the nipples are a slight rose color - something else I'm quite proud of)

I've had quite a few people tell me that I have an hourglass shape to my body, which I enjoy hearing. Like most women though I tend to criticize my body pretty harshly and I can not stand the size of my hips. My best friend tells me that my shape is very Marilyn Monroe. (Did you know Marilyn was a size 10? That always makes me feel a bit better. It seems everyone around me is a size TWO at most and it tends to make me feel very blah at times. Doesn't help that they have perfectly blonde hair and bright blue eyes either)

Anyway, you asked about me, not my gorgeous friends.... lol.

Oh, my hair is straight not curly. On a typical day I can be found wearing a skirt and a low cut shirt, something that shows off the tops of my breasts. I love looking down and seeing them so they're on display often. Master loves that I'm proud of how I look. Yes I still get jealous of other girls and yes I long to look like some of the Hollywood starlets but I worked my ass off (almost literally) to get to the size and shape that I am and I'm proud of my body because of that.

I have been compared to Marisa Tomei on numerous occasions which is why I picked her for the photo today, but again, my hair is shorter and it doesn't do that wave/curl thing hers does. And Master says my chin is smaller. Lol.

Thanks for asking!! If anyone else wants to ask me a question feel free to use the box at the top right side of this blog. You can do so anonymously or with your FormSpringMe username.

-ariia

Living the role IRL

2010-06-11T10:55:00.000-05:00

(IRL = In Real Life, for those few who may not know this)

I've finally settled (somewhat) in with Master and let me tell you, being a 24/7 slave in real life is VERY different from being a slave long distance (and mostly over the computer). For me it's mostly the little things, like holding my tongue when I want to whine about a decision Master has made, or remembering to take my stupid medication (antibiotics for an infection I developed right after moving here) or remembering to hang up my keys. So far I have yet to make any major infractions but even the little ones frustrate me. I hold myself up to high standards, higher even than those of my Master it seems which is quickly becoming a constant point of tearful training for me!

Master will ask me what's wrong and in the past I've learned to hide whatever is bothering me from the guy I'm dating. Most of the time they a) really don't care and/or b) would rather not know but ask to make themselves feel better for seeming to care. With Master it's different. When he asks what is wrong he obviously expects the truth. For example, I somehow got it into my head (years of past abusive relationships) that it's not OK to disagree with the guy I'm seeing, so if something comes up and Master states his opinion I tend to just keep my difference of opinion to myself. Apparently I have visual tells though when I do this. (And here I thought I was pretty good at schooling my emotions!) Master reads me like a book. In fact I'm sure there are times he says something just to get a reaction out of me and then see how many times it takes for him to ask "What's wrong" before I cave and answer him.

I have been punished four times so far (I would have blogged this sooner but I got locked out of my blogger account and I seem to have forgotten my password for FormSpringMe as well.)

The first time I was punished it was a VERY light punishment. More humiliation than pain, actually. I had been in some major (and unhealthy) pain for a few days but due to the "never complain" rule I gave myself I never said a word about it until it was no longer bearable. Which is how I wound up in the ER. And why it's been so long since I've blogged. Master was furious that I had kept my pain hidden for so long, until he realized why I wouldn't voice something like that. After a long and very tearful conversation (all tears were shed by me) I opened up a whole lot more about some of the abuse I've endured from past relations. In light of this he decided my punishment would only serve to remind me to always tell him when I am in the red zone. I was ordered to walk from my hospital room to the nurses station and back (something the doctor had ordered me to do as well) but Master had me do so without tying the back of my gown. Anyone and everyone down the hall got to see my bare ass that morning as I fulfilled both the doctor's and my Master's orders. I learned my lesson, and yes, I carried this particular punishment out with a smile. (Yeah, yeah, punishments aren't supposed to be enjoyed, but you know what, when you have a Master who cares about you so much that he knows when pain is called for and when mind tricks are called for after being physically abused by others for SO LONG, it's a relief to know that someone understands my limits - especially when I technically have none. He could have punished me however he wanted to, after all I'm his slave. The fact that he doesn't abuse that power over me reminds me every day why I chose him to give it to.)

The second punishment was done by the local government here. I misread a sign and parked my car in the wrong place. It was towed away. Master payed the bill, but I am making the cost up to him by doing extra chores around the house and baking for all his friends. (Normally we would charge for my baked goods, but since I have a debt to pay....)

The 3rd AND 4th punishments were spankings done with a wooden spoon. Not the kind I enjoy I might add. I forgot to hang up my keys once and was reminded with 20 spankings in the same spot. Master knows exactly how hard to lay the spoon upon my ass to give me pain/pleasure or punishment. I didn't sit down for a while after that. The 4th punishment was because I forgot my antibiotic (stupid twice a day things) and since it's imperative I take them....

Other than that though it's the small things that I'm learning to adjust to. There are so many aspects to being in a M/s relationship that are different from a vanilla relationship that I can't help but smile as I learn the differences. Sometimes they frustrate me a little but only because I'm a perfectionist at heart and I hate that I don't just intuitively know everything. Which is silly because NO ONE knows everything!

I know this post doesn't go into A TON of detail, but Master kept me up all night long (and I loved every second of it!) and I'm being ordered to quickly update my readers and then take a nap so that my body is ready for his again soon. (God I love that, I love that my body, my pussy, my breasts are HIS to use as he pleases!! I love that he has no trepidations about waking me up fucking me. I love that he will randomly walk over and grab me by the neck and whisper "You are MINE" in my ear as he fingers my pussy or tightens his grip just to brush a feather light kiss along my jaw shortly after....... mmmmmmmm I'm getting wet just thinking about it. I'll definitely have to blog that in more detail later!) For now though, I better get my ass to bed!

-ariia

PS Thanks to "A" for asking me a question on FormSpringMe! I will answer it in tomorrow's post!

FormSpring Me #5

2010-05-19T17:43:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had moments of doubt when it comes to your submission?

I'm not quite sure if you mean doubting my submission or doubting my choice to submit here so I'll answer both.

I don't doubt the fact that I am submissive in the slightest. I've pondered this a lot actually and when looking back at most of my relationships in the past I see a girl who was desperate to be dominated in a positive way. (Long story short I was in some negative relationships where I was basically forced into submission - long before I even knew what that word meant). Ever since I was a kid I would play games of a damsel in distress and in my mind I'd wonder what happened if Prince Charming didn't save the Princess. I would read one of those trashy romance novels and always be unsatisfied if the "good guy" got the girl. I wanted to see what happened if the dark and "dangerous" guy kept her. Granted there are a few stories out there like that but in the ones I would read the "dangerous" dude always turned out to be a big teddy bear. Bleh. I just wanted someone who could take my stubborn streak and tame it; by force if necessary. The only thing I doubted was that I would be able to find someone who could actually do that.
Since learning about the BDSM world and what being submissive entails I've never felt more at home, more "me" so to speak. Which leads us to my choice to submit...

My choice to submit is a gift. It isn't a gift I would give away flippantly. I knew that choosing to be a slave would be the last real choice I'd make. I'm a firm believer that in order to really be 100% submissive (a slave if you will) you have to trust your Dominate partner. In past relationships I kept a bit of who I am hidden. I'd mention my desire to be manhandled to a guy and watch as he freaked out at the thought or freak out eventually as I went (lightly) into more detail about what that meant to me. I told a guy that I wanted to be bound and tied to the bed, only to have him laugh thinking I was joking around. It got to the point where I stopped mentioning what I wanted to try or what I was into or what kind of porn I looked at because the reactions I always got were so negative.

With Master though it was different. We were friends first and so talking about anything and everything was already on the table. It was infinitely easier for me to talk about what kinds of kinks I thought I'm into with him partly because we weren't involved and partly because he made me feel as though my desires were not only normal, they were hot! I told him about finding Literotica.com and how some of the stories really caught my interest. I told him about my desire to be tied up and overpowered. He loved it. He would share sites he liked with me. It was comfortable and fun. Around the time that we started dating I discovered more information about BDSM and shared it with him.

The more we researched the topic of a Master/slave relationship the more intrigued we were. He started pointing out that throughout our friendship I'd always been fairly submissive to him. I pointed out that I enjoyed it and that I desired to continue to be submissive to him. I researched the differences between being a submissive and being a slave. One of the defining differences is that a slave doesn't set limits. For example a sub might say "I'm not into anal, that's one thing I'll never do" where as a slave would say "I'm not into anal, but if you asked me to I'd comply". When Master asked me which I thought I was (slave or submissive) I told him that from everything I've learned thus far I was his slave. It slipped out. I'd meant to say a slave. I'll never forget the way he looked at me and waited for me to correct my statement. When I didn't he walked over and said "And you're a good slave too aren't you?" From then on out I've called him Sir or Master and he's called me his slave (among other things, lol) Over time we discussed the need for rules and punishments and such but all in all I've never felt so comfortable in my place in a relationship before. Funny how I've found my freedom in being a slave...And I can't wait to be a 24/7 slave when I move in with him!

Thanks for your question!
-ariia

Always in the mood...

2010-05-18T13:58:00.000-05:00

A vanilla friend of mine and I had an odd conversation today. I'm not even sure how we got on the topic, but we were talking about orgasms from clitoral stimulation. She stated that after two or three orgasms she's done and sated. She also stated that she doesn't need or want sex sometimes even joking about how she tells her husband she has a headache and therefore gets out of preforming.

I'm the opposite. I can go all day and all night long and still I want more. Master makes sure I'm beyond satisfied so maybe it's just the way I'm wired, but even after the best sex ever I find myself wanting more of him. Maybe that's part of what makes me a slave. I would never say no to begin with but I've found that when I have a headache coming on sex is a great way to make it go away!Master loves that I'm horny for him all day every day. I love that he takes full advantage of the fact that I'll never turn him down for it either. I just can't get enough of his cock!!

Anyway, my conversation with my friend got me thinking... I can't be the only one who constantly wants sex even after just having had sex. How many of you are never fully satisfied?

On a side note, I move in with Master in about a week. My blog is on the back burner for right now because packing and getting ready for the move takes priority. Please be patient with me for the next week or two! Thanks,

-ariia

I Want You...

2010-05-12T14:44:00.000-05:00

Dear Master,

I know I'm supposed to be packing and cleaning and getting ready to move, but that's not what's been on my mind all day... the main thing my mind wants to focus on right now is fucking your brains out. Or making love to you. Or you giving me a session with whips and chains and gags and paddles.... I can't decide which. All I know is that I want you. I want you inside me; I want you above me; under me; behind me; holding me up against the wall; pinning me to the ground; showing me just how strong you are; challenging me to try and get out from your grasp but knowing that it's an impossibility. I want to be panting and breathless and sore and raw and yet finding the air to cry out your name as you make me come. I want to feel our skin touching, run my fingers through your hair, have your hands in mine, your mouth on my mouth, my neck, my breasts, my hips and my pussy.

I want to lay you under me and slowly brush my nipples against your skin, dragging them up and down your body, letting my hair follow. I want to use the lightest touch I can manage to trace circles around your shoulders, your chest, your belly and your groin until goosebumps appear on your skin. I want to trace a line from your jaw to your cock using only my tongue, watching your expressions as you enjoy the things I can do to you.

I want to feel the ropes around my wrists tighten and hold me as I try to slither around underneath you. I want to cry out as you grab my hair and pull me into positions I didn't think were possible. I want to feel the strike of the paddle randomly on my body and the sensations of crying out from pleasure or pain conflict within my mind. I want to feel your hands close around my throat as you pound me harder, denying my orgasm and telling me to hold on for just a little longer.

I want to be flipped over by you, so that you can take full control and then be teased by you until I'm screaming for more. I want your lips on my neck one hand on my breast and your other hand on the small of my back as I arch up into you, desperate to have you deeper, further inside me. I want to hear your voice in my ear giving me orders even as you bring me closer and closer to the white light of ecstasy. I want to feel the bite of your teeth on my skin. I want to enjoy the pain that immediately turns to pleasure when you tighten your hold, or pinch my skin. I want to further explore the sensations that flow through me with every slap of your hand, the "ouch" that forms in my throat only to come out as a whispered Yes Master, more please in my quiet desperation to give you my all, my everything.

I want to be so worn out from moaning your name and whatever other things come to my mind that we have to take a break just so I can wet my parched throat. I want to relieve it by taking your hard cock into my mouth and sucking you off slowly and precisely, taking my time, allowing your orgasm to explode out of you and into me. I want to lick you clean after you've fucked me well, I want to drink you in, both metaphorically and literally.

I want to lay sweaty and panting in your arms, basking in the love that we just made, eager to start again. I want to feel your hands rub my thighs as you tell me I'm beautiful and that there's no one else like me. And I want to lay my head on your chest as I drift off to sleep in the knowledge that we have finally, finally had the chance to satisfy one another, knowing that we'll be doing it again as soon as one of us wakes.

I can picture us having sex in just about every spot imaginable; your office, some random stretch of the road, a path along which we've just hiked, every room in the house, and everywhere in between . I can see us using chairs, counters, pool tables, elevators, stairways and rooftops as needed.

I want you for more than just sex Master but lately these are the things that fill my mind, my dreams, my fantasies. I want you in every way I can have you, but right now, I just want you in me as deep as you can go, for as long as we can last. Over and over and over again. I want to be sore and raw when you are through with me, and yet taken again, just because I am yours and you have that right.

I. Want. You.

((Sigh)) And yet I can not have you today. I will not be able to feel you inside me tomorrow. Our date is coming, Master. You remind me of this daily, I know that it won't be long now...

I need to get back to packing, but rest assured, Sir, that you are never far from my mind and I am certainly obeying your orders and staying horny and wet for you. Always!

Forever Yours,
-ariia

Punishment

2010-05-10T19:37:00.000-05:00

I blogged in this post about how I had broken a rule and promised to update you all on my punishment. I told Master the very next day that because I had not found the time to run on Friday that I would only be making two runs that week, instead of the required three. Needless to say he wasn't happy with the fact that I had broken the rule but he wasn't overly upset either.

My punishment is twofold. First I had to go and masterbate for 20 minutes without allowing myself to cum. The best way for me to currently do this is in the shower. (I have a fabulous shower head...lol) So I set the timer and took a 20 minute "shower". That might not seem like much of a punishment to some but for me it's one of the worst I can receive right now. (Since Master and I are still currently 700 miles away and all) I absolutely hate not being able to get off. The punishment was to be done in the morning so that I spent the whole day horny as fuck and not allowed to get off. It worked. As expected. (And when I don't get off I spend the entire day thinking about sex, more so than usual, and frustrated because of the lack of release).

The second part of my punishment is that I am to make up for the run this week. Not such a big deal right? It wasn't...until I looked at the calendar. Aunt flo is visiting this week. And she came right on time. Usually I take these weeks of the month a little slower. This time I'm making up for a run, so I'll be running 4 times this week, cramps or not. (And I get the worst cramps)

I haven't even made up for the run yet but Master has already forgiven me. I turn in daily task sheets that let him know what I've been doing all day long, so he knew how busy I was last week. (Not that it excuses my lack of run, I really could have scheduled a run earlier in the week)

He also made it clear that he knew this punishment was a light one. First of all it's my first time ever breaking a rule. Secondly he's not here to give me a harsher punishment (which he said he would have if he were here to administer one). I still feel bad for breaking the rule but I was told to just let it go and move on, it's done and I've been punished and forgiven. Master also made it clear that if he were here, he would have spanked me as well. (Which I'm still not sure if I would enjoy that or not, I'm thinking that as a punishment I wouldn't enjoy it, but then again....who knows lol)

-ariia

FormSpring Me #2, #3 and #4

2010-05-08T21:24:00.000-05:00

For whatever reason FormSpring Me has decided NOT to email me when I get a new question. So the following question is SIX DAYS old!! I'm so sorry it took me so long to answer these

Question #2: What do you think about the need for safewords in BDSM?

As a slave this really wasn't my decision to make, thankfully Master asked my opinion though and then agreed with me when I gave it to him. I think they're necessary. Especially for new couples and especially for people new to BDSM. Until you've learned your slave's limits. Even for couples who have been together for a while I would suggest a safeword (if permitted to give my opinion) due to the fact that things do tend to go wrong sometimes.

Master has a safeword, a signal and a color code in place. He asks me during a scene what color I am, if I say green it means everything is fine, keep going. If I say yellow it means I'm in pain, but it's nothing too bad. But red means I'm close to using the safeword. He chose this so that he can learn my limits as we go, his hope is that eventually he won't have to ask, he'll be able to read me well enough to know them. The signal is for when I am gagged. It's actually for social situations as well though. There will be times where either Master or I become uncomfortable in a social situation (neither of us handle too many people well and I don't get along with some of my family members so well) so the signal is there for us to let the other know we need a break or to get away. As Master, if he uses the signal then I am to take that as his cue to get the attention off of him so that he can take a break from people. As slave, if I use the signal it lets Master know that I'm in need of an escape. He will then decide if he wants to step in and relieve me of whatever tension there is or have me handle it on my own. (I honestly don't see myself needing that though unless I'm around my sister who drives me up a wall sometimes. He is fully aware of this and is more than ready to step in if I use the signal around her.) I have yet to use my safeword or the signal, but I enjoy knowing that it's there just in case.

Question #3 Have you discussed hard or soft limits? What are your thoughts on those?

As a slave, I have no limits. Master owns me, he may do with me as he pleases.

Question #4 It's getting closer to the time when you will be living together. What are you most excited about? Nervous about?

I move in 3 weeks!! I can not wait!! I'm mostly excited about all the sex Master and I will be having, lol. I'm quite the nymphomaniac. I like "solving my problems" with sex. But I'm monogamous as hell too. When I'm frustrated, or upset, or in need of extra cuddling or.... you name it, sex is how I deal with that. The problem was that my old partners never seemed to satisfy me, in any way. They never wanted as much sex as I did and the times we did have sex it left me without orgasm. Sex with Master is different. He has gotten me to orgasm every single time we've had sex (and more than once at that!) He is just as horny as I am, all day long. We match each other so well in that respect. So that is what I am looking forward to the most, sex any time he wants it and as often as I can offer it!

What I am nervous about is his family. I already like them all so much, I just hope they like me too. Obviously they don't know about the BDSM aspects of our lives so that's something we'll be keeping under wraps.

Thanks for asking me questions!! Again I'm so sorry it took so long to answer these! Please don't let that deter you from asking more though! I'll be checking my formspring inbox every day (or at least every other day) from now on though!

-ariia

The Let Down

2010-05-07T20:57:00.000-05:00

I've failed!! I can't believe it! I've let down my Master, I've let down myself, I can't believe I failed today. I'm supposed to run 3 times a week, this week has been crazy busy and I figured I would just save my 3 runs for Thursday, Friday and Saturday. I ran yesterday as planned, early in the morning. What I wasn't planning on was how busy yesterday would be and how out of it I would feel today as a result. When I woke up this morning I was so sore! I figured I'd just sleep a few more hours and then run, it would be hot, but I'd be OK.

The problem is I forgot about an obligation I had just before noon. One I absolutely could not cancel on. I woke up too late to go running before the appointment but I figured I'd just go after... to make a long story short I didn't have time to go until it was already dark out here, and I can't run in the dark. I didn't make my run today. Which means I've failed at the "You must run 3 times a week" rule.

Ugh. I feel all torn up inside. I haven't had the chance to tell Master that I've broken the rule, he's already gone to bed for the evening. (And since we're long distance I can't exactly go tell him - not that I would wake him up to tell him either though) If I had the option without putting my life in danger I'd go running in the dark, but I don't need to get hit by a car or bitten by a snake or any crap like that... I just feel awful though!!

I can't believe I've let him down. Not a single one of my vanilla friends would ever understand my agony over this. They'd say "I'm sure it will be fine" and yes I'm sure eventually, it will be too. But I also know I deserve punishment for this, I'm not even worried about that. I'm just pissed off that I let my busy week deter me from my rule and my goal. I'm pissed off that I didn't just stay up earlier this morning, that I didn't plan for a "just in case" run and go earlier in the week (though with my schedule I don't know where I would have fit that in). I'm just... in agony.

I'll let you know what happens and what my punishment is. In the meantime I've got to get to sleep so I can run tomorrow. Maybe I'll run twice tomorrow to make up for the missed run today, though that's not exactly advised as far as good health goes...

-ariia

Push My Limits

2010-05-04T13:11:00.000-05:00

I step out of the shower and walk to my room wearing nothing but the towel. Master surprises me by shoving me against the wall and my mind drifts to our conversation last night. He asked me if I was ready to have my limits pushed, really pushed. The thought of it had made me so wet. He grabs my wrists in his strong hands and holds them above my head as the towel falls to the floor around my feet. My fear mingles with excitement and reflects in my expression. Without saying a word I know that I have been issued the order of silence. I read the order just as easily as I can read the lust he has for me as his eyes rake over my naked body. I catch my breath anticipating his next move. He breathes in the scent of the soap and moans softly. One hand tightens around my wrists while his other begins to explore. His touch is light and I can tell he’s holding himself back, allowing the desire to build to dangerous levels. Before I know it his mouth is on my neck, his hand is grabbing and pinching at my breasts, my sides, my legs and I gasp and pray he leaves a mark. My eyes roll into the back of my head as my body tries to tell my brain of all the sensations rippling through me when he whispers “Don’t move” in my ear and suddenly he’s gone from me. I wait pressing my back against the cold wall behind me feeling my hot skin still damp from the shower. My senses are on over drive. I listen as I hear him in the kitchen opening and shutting the drawers, then in the bedroom going through the closet. He comes back to me with a blindfold, restraints and, to my excitement, a wooden spoon. “Keep your hands above your head, turn around and stick out your ass”. His tone sends shivers through me, I fucking love it when he clips out orders and there’s such an edge to his tone that I know he’s fully aroused. I am his to do with as he pleases. I do as I was told turning around to face the wall and sticking my ass out for him. The blindfold comes around my eyes and he whispers in my ear “It’s time to push those limits of yours..."

"A good scene doesn't end in orgasm, it ends in catharsis."

I don't know about you, but that sentence makes perfect sense to me. I feel so refreshed, loved, cared for and desired after a good scene. I feel cleansed and owned in every sense of the word. I get such a release from knowing that not only is he in control but he enjoys the control he has over me. I can barely explain it. Sometimes scenes do bring me to orgasm time and time again, other times the connection is different and more meaningful. Nothing pleases me more than giving my all to Master. The bruises he leaves on my skin are loving reminders of the times we've shared. His whispered words in my ear are more than just orders, they are my lifeline.

Being new to all of this I still find it hard to voice the pleasure I get from the pain he gives me. It's not easy getting over the things you were raised to believe, but as time goes by I'm finding it easier and easier to voice what I want when asked, even if what I want is for him to be sadistic and menacing. I get wet just thinking about it and I can't wait for him to push my limits again.

-ariia

FormSpring Me #1

2010-05-01T19:26:00.000-05:00

Woo! Someone asked me a question!! I've seen the FormSpring Me things on several blogs and figured it would be a pretty cool way for people to anonymously ask whatever they wanted. It would also be a fabulous way to ensure that I have blog posts for days when I'm blanking about what to write. (Like today) If you ever want to ask me a question, please do! I'll be more than happy to answer it, and I'll blog the question as well as my answer to it :)

How are you feeling about submission at this point?

Good question. I love it. It's not easy at times, but it's so very much who I am. I've been mentally comparing past relationships with the one I'm currently in and I keep coming to the same conclusions. There were a few dominate traits to the men I've dated in the past, but I wouldn't go so far as to say they were dominate. When I got frustrated in past relationships the root of it was almost always that the man I was with wasn't being "manly" enough in my mind. They weren't leading me, let me get away with being bratty at times, never really called me out on it and it bugged me to pieces. I couldn't stand it. I saw them as weak and found ways to end the relationship. I longed to find a guy who would challenge me; push my limits; call me out when I stepped over a line; and who had no problem reminding me that his word was final. Which is what attracted me to my Master in the first place.

I've mentioned before that we were friends for a while before we started dating. I watched as he would dominate just about everything and everyone around him, and not in an overly obvious kind of way either. People just naturally would go to him for advise, they naturally took his word as law. I'd never met someone who seemed to (almost) always be in control or at least be able to assess a situation and come up with a plan (and a backup plan) so quickly! But I digress...

Being submissive is a bit like waking up to who I really am. It just suits me. With Master, I know my place, I know that he respects my opinions and I'm always allowed to ask for clarification, but I also know that whatever he says is final. I love that. I love knowing that while what I have to say is heard out, it isn't law. I love knowing that someone is willing to put the time, energy and effort into molding me to who they see me as. I enjoy being held accountable for it too.

One of the coolest things to being fully submissive is that I can relate to my sister so much more. (She's a natural submissive and in the past I balked at her choice to ask her husband for everything - and I mean everything - but now I not only get it, I support it!) She isn't into BDSM and would freak out if she found out anything about my masochist side, but she's a natural slave. And the great thing is her husband is a natural Dom.

I'm sure I gave a much longer response to that question than you were probably expecting, but I think things through best when writing, lol.

Thanks for asking, and please, feel free to ask more questions!

-ariia

Peace in Submission

2010-04-27T12:40:00.000-05:00

"I'm pleased that you did as you were asked, even when it made you unhappy".

Have you ever noticed when someone around you is doing something they obviously can't stand doing? Even if it's a favor for someone they love? If it inconveniences the doer in any way, it shows. Some people go above and beyond just being irritated about having to do something for someone else, they make sure everyone the come into contact with knows they are unhappy. I admit, in past relationships (long before I ever decided submission was my path) I would play the brat, well maybe bitch is a better word there. If I was upset with someone, for any reason, everyone within 10 feet of me knew I was unhappy. I would work hard to make sure my anger seethed through all facets of my being. My favorite visual when I was angry was one of flames in my eyes and the thought of my blood boiling. I think I loved the anger. In my mind, it gave me an excuse to really be a bitch to anyone and everyone for no reason. "I'm angry because of XYZ and you happen to be in my path so watch out!" I shake my head at how much energy I wasted on such stupid things. Though even in my anger and immaturity, I held back most times. When the opportunity to be vindictive or especially nasty came up, I passed on it. In my heart of hearts, I just couldn't go through with more than a few well placed words or dirty looks. The few times I allowed myself to go the extra mile and embrace my anger I always regretted it. It would eat away at me.

Maybe it's part of growing up, maybe it's just desiring to serve Master the absolute best that I can, maybe it's because I know that, as his property, everything I do is a reflection on who he is and I never want to damage who he is, but I've changed a lot in the past few years. Even before Master and I started dating I found myself desiring to please him before fulfilling my own wants and needs. It's fun to compare who I once was (immature, wild, angry, uncontrolled) to who I am now.

When given an order, even ones I don't like, I find myself smiling as I think of how I might have reacted in the past compared to how I'm currently acting as I carry out my chores. I never want to be who I once was again, but I love thinking how far I have come. I laugh when I contemplae how my old self would react to how my new self behaves. I can hear her now "You're his property!? Are you fucking stupid?!"or "He ordered you to do what?! And you're obeying?!"

It's not always easy. I find myself constantly having to fight the old urges and school my emotions so that I can carry out tasks happily and with a joyful heart. There are times I have to remind myself that I chose this path, but that's where my joy comes from too; I chose to devote myself to him fully. I chose to give him my full submission in everything. I could always choose not to do something, or to let my old self take over and show her anger, but that would be going against the vows I made both to him and to myself. If I go against that, then I've been living a lie, and I can't stand liars. As I do the dishes for the umteenth time, or wash yet another load of laundry, or go out of my way to do things for him (even when not asked) I smile, because I know that it pleases him. And in pleasing him; in giving him my all, my everything, I find peace.

-ariia

Do You Trust Me?

2010-04-24T14:20:00.000-05:00

I'm a member of several different sites related to BDSM (for example: FetLife and The Slave Registry) and I love reading the forums and threads. I came across a post today that made me laugh out loud at it, at how insane it seemed to me. The post simply read:

jbdogowner wrote:
An example of true slavery
"if the Master orders the slave to run accross the roof of a multistorey car-park/Parking lot for our American cousins and over the edge, the slave would not look down because he trusts his master to have favourably sorted the consequences"

I couldn't believe someone actually believed that, let alone that anyone would be silly enough to agree with it. I showed my Master thinking he would laugh with me but he didn't. Our conversation went a bit like this:
Me: Who the hell would order such a thing?! Do they not care about their slave?
Master: (after a moment of silence) I might ask you that. If I'd arranged something at the bottom to break your fall. But for safety I might have you blindfolded instead, and then order you to fall backwards over the edge.
Me: (sitting there with my jaw dropped as my mind processed all of this)......

I didn't respond right away. In thinking about it though I realized that if my Master ordered something like that, I'd obey. Sure at first it sounds absolutely insane, but no more so than jumping out of a plane and trusting that the parachute will do what it's supposed to when you pull on the release cord. Or if you compare it to something not quite as risky.

I look at it like rappelling down a mountain. No matter how many times I may have done it before there will always be that certain thrill as you lean back and "fall" off the edge. You trust that the rope will hold you up, you trust that the person at the bottom knows what they're doing and won't let you "fall" too quickly, but it still goes against what feels natural (and maybe this is just me) but there is always a bit of "omg what if ____!" that runs through your mind before you actually start the "fall" It's a thrill and I love it, but at the same time it scares the fuck out of me (which might be part of the love I have for it lol) Like rappelling down a mountain there are risks and dangers involved in some of the orders Master might give me, but that's why you check your equipment to make sure it's not frayed or broken. That's why you make sure the person at the bottom of the mountain knows what they are doing. It's why you go through training courses - so that you know both what is expected of you and how things are going to go down and of course all the answers to "what if ___" that you could possibly think of.

When it comes right down to it the question isn't "would you obey such and such order" it's "Do you trust the one giving the orders?" And when it comes to trusting Master, the answer is "Yes." No matter how mundane or risky they might be, I trust him.

-ariia

Who I Am

2010-04-23T13:31:00.000-05:00

I grew up in a fairly Christian household. Most of my childhood memories are of Sunday School or Bible Camp or Awana's and the like. For a long time now I've been questioning what I was raised to believe. Questioning the validity of it all and the people who believe it. There are some, like my mother, who seem to be a lot like they claim to be: loving and kind and not judgmental in the least. But over the years the majority of the Christians I have gotten to know have very hypocritical aspects that they excuse away with their faith. I can't tell you how many times someone would say something and I found myself thinking "Now wait a minute, that can't be right" over something someone said to me regarding their beliefs. I've started being more open in my responses or calling others out (though respectfully as I can) when they say something that contradicts what they claim to believe. I get a certain thrill from finally being brave enough to say things like "But doesn't that go against what the Bible says?" or "I don't remember reading that anywhere in the Bible. Are you sure it's in there" and watching as the speaker tries to backtrack or validate what was said. I don't do it often because honestly I'm not trying to put them in their place or anything, I just want them to realize whatever they've said was wrong, or misleading.

I have since walked away from the faith and just about everything to do with it. I no longer believe there is a god, of any sort; I no longer believe the Bible is true; I no longer believe that Christ even existed. I still capitalize the B in Bible though because it is still a book, and I have a certain love for books and proper grammar. I have yet to tell my family about my newfound disbelief though. First off it would probably kill my mother, and I'd rather not cause her any harm. Secondly I know exactly what they would all do; they'd try to convince me I was wrong and end the conversation in a frustrated "Well I'll pray for you" type of way that would do nothing but cause a rift in our relationship.

The next path for me though is getting over this "anything kinky is dirty and unnatural" bullshit that was ground into my head. I swear to god, until I was about 18 I thought the only proper and allowed form of sex was missionary style and that anything outside of that was a sin. Which caused internal conflict any and every time I would even think about anything remotely kinky. I still feel a twinge of guilt when Master and I are fucking and I desire for him to hit me, or spank me harder, or tie me up and have his way with me, but at this point that guilt makes me only want it more so I can push the stupid little voice in my head that screams at me about how "dirty" I am away. I hate that voice. I heard that voice for far too long as a kid, never feeling good enough or smart enough or pretty enough for whatever. It took me a long time to realize that I am who I am, and change the things I don't like about me, while accepting the things I can't change. It's taken me even longer to stop comparing myself with others around me (something I'm still working on and will probably always struggle with)

For the most part I really like the person I am today. There are still several things I'm working on changing (dropping another 20 pounds and toning up; being more organized and yet carefree; learning how to condense what I say into a few sentences instead of paragraph upon paragraph - both in writing and speech) but all in all I'm proud of who I am, how far I have come and enjoy tracking my goals both accomplished and to be accomplished. Now if I could just figure out how to vocalize my wildest fantasies when Master asks me (without giggling and blushing madly)... but that's another post for another day.

-ariia

Ramblings...

2010-04-21T17:23:00.000-05:00

    I know it's been a few days since I posted anything here, I've just been in a funk lately and couldn't think of much to blog about. Today's blog is honestly a bunch of rambling....

    In about 5 weeks I will be moving in with Master. In the meantime though we're about 700 miles apart. I'm currently out of a job and bored out of my mind. Granted there's a lot of packing to do and I need to declutter my life a bit but I'd like to wait until closer to the actual moving date before I do any of that. I prefer to have my days filled with lots of things to do so that in the midst of my busyness time flies...

    One of the things that Master likes most about me is my self-sufficiency. I'm trying to find ways to fill my day. At this point I'm seriously thinking of asking the local pet store if I can just bathe some of the dogs for free or something (I'm that bored!). I work out 6 times a week but that fills maybe half an hour to an hours worth of time. Other than that though, I'm at a loss as to how to really fill most of my days.

    The other thing is that Master is periodically online (we communicate via messengers when he's online) and I like to keep those times free so we can spend them "together". What I really need to do is just ask for a copy of his schedule and then build one of my own around that. ((sigh)) I hate waiting. Especially where there isn't a single thing I can really do to make time speed up. I know in retrospect this period of waiting will seem like it flew. I also know that 5 weeks in the grand spectrum of things is a very small amount of time but that doesn't make it any easier in the here and now of it all. Suggestions on what else I can do during the day are more than welcome!

    I've also just realized that for some dumb reason Blogger keeps forgetting to shoot me an email whenever someone comments on my blog (extremely annoying!) so if you've commented and I have yet to respond I'm sorry!! I finally fixed the problem though so I should be able to respond via email here shortly. If you don't have your blog profile set up to show your email though I'll respond on whatever post was commented on via another comment. If you're unsure how yours is set up just let me know and I'll walk you through it, it's a fairly easy fix. (On a side note I've had different blogger accounts for about 3 years now and NEVER had a problem with spam from blogger or anything coming to my email account)

    Last but not least, I've added the Formspring "Ask me anything" box to my blog. I know I'm new to the world of BDSM but I've researched the heck out of it and am fairly open about most of my life. Feel free to ask me anything :) I'll post the questions and my answers as blog posts and keep your name out of it (not even sure it asks for your name when you ask a question - I do know that the few other blogs I've asked questions on using this gadget were done fairly simply. It didn't ask me to sign up for one more thing and didn't even ask for my email address when I hit the submit button so hopefully it goes just as smoothly here)

    Thanks for all the answers I got to my question about how to handle vanilla situations. Most of the answers highlighted the same point "smile and give as little information as possible" so hopefully the next time anything comes up I'll be prepared. :)

-ariia

Vanilla Situations

2010-04-19T02:11:00.000-05:00

How do those of you living in BDSM (24/7) relationships explain your relationship with vanilla people? Being new to this stuff I'm finding it hard to explain why it is I'm willing to submit to someone else so much. I mean obviously I can't just say "Well he's my Dom" and expect them to understand. Nor would I even say that, lol. My point is there are several people starting to notice a change in me, a change in my Dom even and they're asking things like "Are you sure she doesn't mind doing the dishes every time? She never complains about anything you ask her to do, isn't that a little odd?" or "Why do you do everything he tells you to do? Don't you get sick of it?" Honestly I don't get upset with doing the dishes. I don't enjoy them every time, but I refuse to complain about that. It's my job. It's one of my chores and no it's not the life of glitz and glam but not many of us are so rich that we can afford to have someone else come in and clean our homes. And honestly it's something that I've done since I was a kid (though I did complain about it often to my mother when I was a kid.... not many kids enjoy chores, lol). On top of that I choose NOT to complain much. I have a sibling that complains ALL the time, about EVERYTHING. It drives me nuts. I don't want to be like them.

But it's different when Master asks me to do something. I do it because I want to please him, even if I hate the chore or job he's asked me to do. Pleasing him pleases me. Ugh. IF anyone has advice here on how to delicately describe your BDSM relationship to vanilla people without coming right out and saying "I'm his slave mother, it's my job to comply to whatever he asks of me" I would really appreciate your input!!

I will also be posting this in a few forums so I'm sure I'll get plenty of help here. I will blog whatever advice I'm given and let you know what I've been told.

New Information

2010-04-16T22:46:00.000-05:00

In my ongoing search for all things BDSM and exactly what it means to be a slave, I came across a blog that has SO much information. I got up the courage to reach out and ask her some questions, checked with my Master before I made contact and finally emailed her for advice, tips, information, anything she could give me. She directed me to her site and several others to help my investigation into a life that's not quite "vanilla". She has a ton of awesome (and extremely helpful) links on her blog as well (you can check her blog out here)

Maybe I should give a bit of a back story here. My Master and I are both new to the BDSM world. We've been best friends for almost 3 years. We tell each other everything, always have. We've also always followed a M/s type of relationship, though we didn't know it at the time. I've always done exactly as he asks, no matter what. I've always submitted to him in everything. His word, in my mind, has always been final. In a way he controlled my life long before we became more than friends. When we started dating it was the same way. I've always been 100% honest with him, no matter what. I've told him things I'd never tell another soul, just because I knew I could trust him and I wanted to give him my all. I've never done that with anyone else before, I've always held back pieces of myself with past boyfriends. Mostly because I knew somewhere inside me that my kinky side was a bit.... different from the norm. Mostly because I dated very vanilla guys, that I just didn't trust fully. I'm sure if I dig really deep I'd figure out that I purposely dated vanilla guys because I wasn't ready to face that side of me anyway.

But there's something different about Master. He's smart, smarter than any guy I've dated, possibly smarter than anyone else I know. He's intuitive as well. I think the fact that we've been friends for so long, the fact that I've always submitted to him, laid a pretty solid foundation for our current relationship. Obviously I'm more than smitten with him, and obviously I'm biased here. My point is I trust him, fully and completely. I've never held myself back when it comes to him so when we started dating I just kept that up. Bending to his will and letting him make the final decisions. We got onto the topic of kinks at some point and I remember blushing furiously as I told him I had different tastes than the average person. At the time I didn't know the right terms or even how to describe what it was I wanted, all I knew was that while basic vanilla sex was all well and good, I wanted more. So much more.

You would think that as an adult I'd admit my desires or something. At least be open with myself in what I wanted. The thing is though, I didn't, couldn't. I tried talking about what I was into with friends, extremely religious friends. That was my first mistake. The second mistake I made was thinking that there must be something wrong with me. The one good thing I did was finally open up to someone I really trusted, even if it took me almost 3 years of friendship to do so. The cool thing is Master just smiled and said that he was into that sort of thing as well.... that he's always seen himself as dominate, in everything. I admitted to feeling submissive with him (but I also admit that I only feel that with him, I've never felt safe enough to desire submission with any other guy. In fact I fought against it tooth and nail with past boyfriends.) But with Master....I'd do anything for him. And he knows it.

So we're beginning our journey together. Into a world that isn't vanilla at all. As I visit your blogs and pour over the information I receive I hope you'll all forgive me for any questions that seem stupid, or silly, or what have you. And I ask that you be patient with me as I learn, explore and enjoy the new life I am stepping out into. Much like libby, it was she who pointed me in the right direction. She graciously answered the zillion questions I sent her and guided me to many links on her page that I could use for more information. Thanks again libby!

Still searching and learning....

Wrapping my head around it all...

2010-04-13T14:22:00.001-05:00

I had lunch with my mother today (and a few of her coworkers). I apparently needed the "girl time" with mom more than I realized. I got to talk nonstop about Master and how amazing he is and how much I love and respect him. Mom was beyond impressed I think. She kept commenting about how happy I seem and how happy she is for me. She's very conservative though so I have to be careful not to let her catch on fully, I fear her judgement but only because at this point, even if she disapproved, it would not sway me from my Master.

On a side note I'm thinking of possibly opening up a new blog address, under a pseudonym of course, and publishing this blog so that I can find and hear from others who live this life style 24/7. I understand that I am brand new and have a lot to learn here but at the same time everything I learn so far has me yearning for more. I feel a bit like a brand new person, wild eyed and wondering as I look at the big new world with fresh eyes. There's so much to learn here and so much that could possibly influence me, both good and bad, I just want to serve and do my very best to please my Master. The only thing holding me back right now is the name, I have no idea what name I would use for the blog. I do know that when I change over and publicize my blog I will be moving these posts as well.

Oh I forgot to mention: I finally found some pretty awesome blogs and websites that help me understand a little more about this lifestyle. For the most part people who "live" the BDSM lifestyle seem to think it's all about sex and pleasure, for me it goes so much deeper than that. For me it's a matter of serving my Master in everything I do. In a sense, because I belong to him, everything that I do: how I carry myself; how I respond to others; how my house looks; how I raise my children; is a reflection of who he is. In light of that, when I do anything, even the mundane tasks such as laundry, I remind myself that I am doing a good job to please Master, even if he can't see the folded clothes I organize perfectly, I can and should still do my best.

In the mean time I have chickens to cook and potatoes to mash....

Lost and Searching

2010-04-13T01:21:00.000-05:00

I can't find what I'm looking for online. I am trying to research (like I do with everything) the BDSM lifestyle. I want to find people who live this lifestyle 24/7. Or at least articles about living it. Tips, advice, tricks, ideas, anything!! I either find porn, or old sites that at one time or another seemed to have thrived but are dry and deserted by the time I stumble upon them.

I have so many questions. Every page I come across keeps saying the same things, that my Master should have most of the answers; that it is his job to train me in this lifestyle, but he is just as new to this as I am. I'd love to purchase some books on the subject (I'm sure the conservative library doesn't have a thing on it except to point out how evil desiring to be someone's slave for life must be) but I lack the funds to do that right now.

I hate, absolutely hate, not having my questions answered. Actually what I really hate is not being able to find the answers AND not knowing where the hell to turn here. I know what I want. I know what I desire. But I don't know how or if I am even permitted to voice that to my Master. Don't get me wrong, I know he is open to questions, but I also know he has limited time right now. I don't want to ask him to go off searching for answers to my silly questions when his work is so much more important than the whims of his slave.

Yes I see myself as his slave. One thing the sites I've found pound into your head is the difference between a sub and a slave. A sub (from what I gather) is someone who lives the D/s relationship only in the bedroom and only when she desires it. A slave is totally dependent on her Master. He controls her emotions, her freedoms....he controls her - body, mind and soul. But he also protects and loves her. He respects and understands that her total submission to him is a gift and he treasures that gift above all else.

I've only known my Master for 2.5 years. I've met him in person for all of a week and I already know I want to devote myself 100% to him. I am his to control, not because he demands it but because I desire to give him such control over me. I'm sure I sound like a lunatic to the average person. I don't care. This is what I desire.

The sites I've come across are also clear about the differences between Doms and Masters. It is clear to me that my Master is in fact a Grand Master - one who rules all, controls every situation he's in (as much as possible anyway) and that demands respect simply by being who he is. He walks into a room and owns it and everyone in it. He quiets others with a look or a simple word. Everyone in his life bends to his will, not out of fear, but out of massive respect for him. I am honored beyond speech that he has chosen me for his slave. Watching him, how he handles things around him, thrills me. When he gives me orders I feel loved and wanted. When I obey him and am therefore rewarded by him I feel a deeper desire to please him. Every time he gives me an order, no matter how simple, I thirst for more.

I feel as though I've stumbled upon a fountain that you can't help but drink from, yet every sip leaves you thirsty for even more, like a drug. He is my drug. Now that I think about it. He is my obsession. I would do anything for him. If he asked me to wear a collar and bark like a dog I would, not because I have to, but because I want to do whatever pleases him. (And on a side note I know he would never ask me to do anything harmful to myself or others. He might be "Ruler of All" in my book but he's not cruel either.)

Now if only I could find someone else, some kind of article that gives guidelines or something...anything.... maybe I could answer some of these pesky questions.

And with that, I'm off to Google more.....

"Home" or on Vacation

2010-04-12T09:19:00.000-05:00

I am back "home" though this no longer feels like home. I am stuck in the south, though the state doesn't really matter. "Home" for me suddenly became where ever my Master is and he currently resides in the beautiful state of New York. I move up there to be with him in a few short weeks but the time feels like it drags and eats away at my soul taunting me with its length. I have been ordered to look at this as "vacation time" with my children and am doing the best to comply but...

I feel as though part of my heart is missing. I don't even question it, my Master is not here, and yet I am. While I am thankful for the time I will have to spend with my children, I already miss Master inexplicably. I have no real structure when left on my own, I float around the house wondering what to do even though there is plenty to be done. Part of me doesn't desire to do anything simply because Master is not here to see my hard work and praise me for it; on the flip side of that coin I know that at some point Master will ask me what I have done today and if I've done nothing I'll feel as though I've let him down.

I have to keep physically fit but I have no desire to go running. This country-hick town suddenly bores me to the point of tears (almost, crying wouldn't please my Master either). I just no longer feel at home here. I feel lost and separated from what gives me the most joy. My children are in school so I do not even have the luxury of their laughing, smiling faces to distract me and keep me out of the funk I feel settling in around me.
It amazes me how something I stumbled upon just a few short weeks ago fits me so perfectly now. I never thought of myself as the submissive type. I balk at the thought of obeying anyone's orders and rebel instantly when given one. But it's different with Master. I desire his guidance. I need it. I thrive off of it. And again, I feel lost without it. Which I am sure would not please him, he loves that I am independent when he is not around but there is such a dependence on him that I'm sure if he knew at all how much I needed his orders, his rules and his commands, he would probably freak out a bit. I freak out a bit, but I lust after it anyway.

I've spent enough time journaling now, I should really find something constructive to do with my time. Though in my heart I already know, nothing will be distracting enough to keep my mind from my Master. I will seek to please him in everything I do, for it is what I chose to live for now.

The Rules

2010-04-11T14:00:00.000-05:00

Considering the fact that Master (I will not be using real names on here, sorry) and I are brand new to this lifestyle our rules are currently short and simple. As we learn more and grow deeper He will add to them as He sees fit. In the mean time these are the basic rules Master has come up with for the household:

1) I will not put my children in jeopardy through my actions or, by inaction, cause them to come into harm.

This might seem like a "duh" kind of rule, but I love that Master not only included it, he made it the FIRST rule.

2) I will always obey my Master.

3) I will not endanger myself through my actions or by inaction, cause myself to come into harm.

(No smoking, no stupid stunts like jumping off the top of a waterfall without checking out the rocks below... again a "duh" kind of rule but one that gives me comfort in knowing it is in fact a rule)

4) All questions will be tolerated.

This means no answering a question with a question or claiming there are such things as stupid questions. (This rule is to be applied when my children ask me questions as well. I am not to respond with "Why do you ask that" but to respond as honestly and age appropriately as I can. If I'm not sure of an answer I am to direct the children to Master or ask him myself)
It also means that it is always OK to ask for clarification on any orders given.

5) There will be no smoking tolerated of any kind. Ever. Smoking is a deal breaker.

This falls under rule number 3, but since I used to smoke (for nearly 10 years) it's laid out for me. Mostly as a reminder of what I stand to lose if I decide to ever pick up the habit again.

6) There will be no intoxication around the children.

7) Honesty will always be rewarded with forgiveness, but will not necessarily obviate consequence.

8) I must run at least 3 times a week.

9) I will keep a daily ledger of what I do throughout the day. It needs to be saved in YYYY-MM-DD format and posted first thing the following morning to Master's desired location. (not this blog)